Bad news Jokes - page 5

Delivery Room

The nervous father-to-be was pacing outside the delivery room when finally the doctor emerged. “Oh, doctor!” he cried. “Is it a boy or a girl?” “I’m afraid I have a bit of bad news,” said the doctor gravely. “I’m sorry to have to tell you that your child was not born complete.” The father’s face fell, but he said, “well, I’m sure it can have a happy and complete life in any case.” “It’s pretty bad,” said the doctor. “I’m…

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Diagnosis

A man had gone to see the doctor several hours before and his wife was worried about him. Finally the doctor’s office called and the doctor said, “Mrs. Smith, I have some bad news. I’m afraid your husband is very sick.” The woman said, “Oh my God, what does he have, doctor?” The doctor replied, “Well, that’s just it- he either has AIDS or Alzheimer’s Disease. I need your help to figure out which one it is.” The woman, “Of…

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Pope and Purdue

One day Mr. Purdue comes up with this great idea for the Catholic Church. Immediately he makes plane reservations to go to Rome. When he gets into Rome he makes an appointment to see the Pope. When he sees the Pope he says this: “It is great to meet you, your Eminence, and I have a little proposition for you. See, I was in church the other day and I thought of a great idea. Purdue Chickens is ready to…

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6 pack

A construction worker fell to his death from a 12 story building. Two of his co workers were debating over who would tell the guy’s wife.John, a third co worker, volunteered his services, because he said he was really good at giving bad news. The two other workers saw John returning with a 6 pack from their dead friends house. the first worker asked John if he told the wife of the dead worker, he replied “yes, of course”, and…

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Turning Blue

“I think I have a problem, doc,” says the patient, “one of my balls has turned blue”. The doctor examines the man briefly and concludes the patient will die if they don’t have his testicle removed. “Are you crazy?!” bursts the patient, “How could I let you do such a thing to me!” “You want to die?” asks the doctor rhetorically, and the patient has to agree to have his testicle removed. But, two weeks after the operation, he comes…

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Always Look @ the Bright Side!

A man wakes up in the hospital to find his doctor looking down on him and soon the doctor says, “I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we were forced to amputate both your legs.” The man, after regaining his composure, then asks, “What on earth is the good news?” With a slight smile, the doctor replies, “The man in the next bed wants to buy your slippers!”

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Fertility Drugs

Joe went to the doctor to complain that the fertility drugs weren’t working. Despite the frequent use of said drugs he could not get his wife pregnant. The doctor took some tests and came back looking worried. “I have good news and bad news,” said the Doc. “The tests have shown that the drugs haven’t had the desired effect and you to have a sperm count of one.” “What’s the good news?” said a worried Joe. “That was the good…

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The Headaches!!!!

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older, he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. “The good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to…

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Over 50 Ways to get rid of Blind Dates

1.At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you’ll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it. 2.Collect the salt shakers from all of the tables in the restaurant, and balance them in a tower on your table. 3.Wipe your nose on your date’s sleeve. Twice. 4.Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions. 5.Repeat every third third word you say say. 6.Give your claim to fame…

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