Back seat Jokes - page 8

The bike ride

There was a preist and a few nuns riding their bikes to the mass held some miles down the road. They go over a rather small bump and the nuns start giggling. The priest thought nothing of it. They go over a bump just a little bigger than the last; they start laughing a bit harder. This time the preist has a disappointed look on his face but still says nothing. They go over a bump that is much bigger.…

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How Sex is Like Riding a Bicycle

1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere. 2. It’s best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory. 3. You can do it with no hands, but it’s best not to try it until you have a lot of experience. 4. It’s easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience. 5. You can do it by yourself, but it’s usually not as much fun. 6. It’s usually hard…

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It’s a Lawyer Joke

There was once a truck driver who would amuse himself by running over lawyers as they walked down the side of the road. Every time he saw a lawyer, he would swerve to hit him, there would be a loud “THUD”, and then he’d swerve back onto the road. One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. The driver thought he would do a good deed and pulled the truck over. “Where are you…

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Law Abiding Citizen

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to…

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TONS of Blonde Jokes

1: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block! 2: What do you say to a blonde that won’t give in? “Have another beer.” 3: What’s a blonde’s favorite wine? “Daddy! I want to go to Miami 4: Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde are walking down the street. They spot a $100 on the ground. Who gets it? Nobody. The first four don’t exist and the…

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The Honest Lawyer (FICTION)

An investment counselor went out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, so she began interviewing young lawyers. “As I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one of the first applicants, “in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question.” She leaned forward. “Mr. Peterson, are you an *honest* lawyer?” “Honest?” replied the job prospect. “Let me tell you…

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Cat Commandments

Thou shalt not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is on the modem. Thou shalt not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem. Thou shalt not unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll. Thou shalt not sit in front of the television or monitor as though thou are transparent. Thou shalt not projectile vomit from the top of the refrigerator. Thou shalt not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy…

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Airline Anecdotes

I know it’s long, but it’s worth reading:o) Occasionally, airline flight attendants make an effort to make the “in-flight safety lecture” a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: “As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position.” “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways out of this airplane…” “Your seat cushions…

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Airline Terms

As you are all aware, the airline industry in which we work has it’s own unique set of terminology. The following are some of the most commonly used terms and their definitions. PASSENGER – A herding creature of widely varying intellect, usually found in pairs or small groups. Often will become vicious and violent in simple and easily rectified situations. When frightened or confused these creatures collect into a group called a “line.” This “line” has no set pattern and…

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Carjacking Foiled:

An elderly lady did her shopping and upon return found 4 males in her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice that she knows how to use it and that she will if required…. so get out of the car. The 4 men didn’t wait around for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, where upon the lady proceeded to load her shopping…

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