Baby one Jokes - page 10

BOB

There was a girl who wanted to get a tattoo on her butt cheeks. She wanted it to say baby blue. So she went to a tattoo place and ask the the tattoo guy if he could put baby blue on her butt cheaks. Baby on one side and blue on another. The tattoo guy said “OK, I charge $10.00 for each letter.” but the girl only had $20.00. The guy said, “Tell you what, how about if I put…

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New Car

There was this guy named Joe. Ever since he was born, he has always been 2nd at everything. His baby stroller was always slower than the other kids’, his tricycle was old and rusted and had wobbly wheels, his first bike was a piece of junk, his first car wouldn’t go over 35 m.p.h. So Joe resigned himself to a life of slowness, never able to win a race in his life. Until one day, when his rich uncle died…

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A Few Random Thoughts

If foreign films are so good, how come they don’t make them in this country? Definition of an optimist: an accordian player with a beeper. Old age is when you tell a friend you’re having an affair and he says, “That’s wonderful! Who’s the caterer?” Part of the trouble with doing nothing in life is that you never know when you’re through. Tractor pulls were invented so professional wrestling fans would have someone to look down on. Opieology: a religion…

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Whole Lotta Yo Mama

SO BIG Yo mama’s so big, that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step. Yo mama’s so big, her belly button’s got an echo. Yo mama’s so big, she can’t wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back. Yo mama’s so big, she rollerskates on busses. Yo mama’s so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers. Yo mama’s so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker. Yo mama’s so big, she uses bowling…

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3 Babies

There were 3 babies in a lady’s stomach. One day, they were talking about what they wanted to be when they grew up. The first baby said, “I want to be an plumber when I grow up.” The other two asked why. He said, “Someone has to fix all the leaky pipes in here.” The second baby said, “I want to be an electrician.” The other two started laughing, and asked why. He said, “It’s kinda dark in here. Someone…

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Father of Twins

Years ago I had just delivered twins. They were a boy and a girl. The head nurse brought them out for their father to see. He could hardly believe his good fortune. The girl baby had a pink blanket wrapped around her, and the boy baby was enclosed in a blue one. The father took one step forward, just so he could touch the babies and believe that they had finally arrived. As he started to touch them, the nurse…

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Surprise, surprise….

Two friends meet on the street and one gives the good news to the other…. Did you know that I finally had a son on Monday? Gosh, congratulations, and…how is your wife doing? Oh, I guess she is doing great so far, but wait until she finds out about the baby..

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A warning from the judge

The Old Witness A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial — a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You…

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Still More ‘RAN-DUMB’ Thoughts

I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. Don’t worry about the world ending today….It’s already tomorrow in Australia. Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read. Character is what you are. Reputation is what people THINK you are. Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing…

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The Stork Family

Once upon a time there was a stork family – papa stork, mama stork and baby stork. One evening papa stork didn’t show up for dinner. Mama stork and baby stork left the food out for him but he didn’t come home at all that night. When papa stork finally did come home the next day, baby stork asked, “Papa stork, where were you last night?” “Out making a young couple very happy,” replied papa stork. Several weeks later, mama…

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