Ass x Jokes - page 7

Rabbis go to Mass

At a Mass at which some young ladies were to take their finals vows to become nuns, the presiding Bishop noticed two Rabbis enter the church just before the service began. They insisted on sitting on the right side of the center aisle. The Bishop wondered why they had come, but he didn’t have time to inquire before the Mass began. When it came time for the announcements, the Bishop’s curiosity got the better of him. He welcomed the two…

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Read JokeRabbis go to Mass

My Comp Class

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and switched the inputs for the keyboards. She came back and started typing and immediately got a distressed look on her face. She called the teacher over and explained that no matter what she typed, nothing would happen. The teacher tried everything.…

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Read JokeMy Comp Class

A Passionate Man

At the captain’s table a matronly woman had overimbibed with the liquor that was being dealt out with a lavish hand, and a young officer was detailed to get her back to her stateroom. He placed his arm about her waist, held her elbow firmly with his other hand, and began to march her down the corridor. She said, with a faint hiccup, “You’re passionate.” He said, “Ma’am, I’m just trying to get you to your room.” She repeated, “You’re…

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Prince William’s Royal ‘Change for Good’ Agenda: Top Priority? Making His Son Proud (and Maybe Less Press Intrusion, Eventually)

Prince William’s Royal ‘Change for Good’ Agenda: Top Priority? Making His Son Proud (and Maybe Less Press Intrusion, Eventually) ? In what can only be described as a masterclass in royal PR, William sat down with none other than ‘Schitt’s Creek’ legend and ‘Reluctant Traveler’ Eugene Levy. The future king shared his grand vision for an ‘agenda of change for the good’ when he ascends the throne. ? Among these lofty goals, it seems a significant one is doing work…

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Read JokePrince William’s Royal ‘Change for Good’ Agenda: Top Priority? Making His Son Proud (and Maybe Less Press Intrusion, Eventually)

Jane Fonda Says ‘History Repeats Itself,’ Resurrects Her Father’s McCarthy-Era Free Speech Group

Jane Fonda says ‘History Repeats Itself,’ resurrects her father’s McCarthy-era free speech group! ? It seems some things never change! After decades, the iconic actor is dusting off the old ‘Committee for the First Amendment,’ originally founded by her legendary father during the very real, very paranoid McCarthy era. Now, with a fresh batch of A-list celebrities joining the cause, it appears the fight for free speech is back on the red carpet, ? spurred on by what are being…

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Read JokeJane Fonda Says ‘History Repeats Itself,’ Resurrects Her Father’s McCarthy-Era Free Speech Group

South Korea’s Digital Woes Go Up in Smoke: A Battery Fire Sparks Cyber-Panic and a ‘Caution’ Alert

South Korea’s Digital Woes Go Up in Smoke: A Battery Fire Sparks Cyber-Panic and a ‘Caution’ Alert. Talk about adding insult to injury! ? Just when you thought your biggest problem was a massive, nationwide system outage thanks to a rather inconvenient battery fire at a government data center, South Korea’s intelligence agency has decided it’s time to worry about hackers too. Apparently, the chaos from a good old-fashioned blaze (yes, a fire, in a data center!) is just the…

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Read JokeSouth Korea’s Digital Woes Go Up in Smoke: A Battery Fire Sparks Cyber-Panic and a ‘Caution’ Alert

Emerald Fennell Shocks Brontë Festival-Goers: Declares ‘Enormous Amount of Sado-Masochism’ in Wuthering Heights

Emerald Fennell didn’t come to the Brontë Women’s Writing festival to make friends, but rather to drop a literary bombshell! ? The Saltburn director boldly declared there’s “an enormous amount of sado-masochism” hidden within Emily Brontë’s classic Wuthering Heights. She then casually defended her decision to cast A-listers like Margot Robbie and Jacob Elordi in her sex-charged retelling, leaving festival attendees likely clutching their pearls (or perhaps quietly Googling the definition of ‘sado-masochism’). ? It seems Heathcliff and Catherine’s toxic…

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Read JokeEmerald Fennell Shocks Brontë Festival-Goers: Declares ‘Enormous Amount of Sado-Masochism’ in Wuthering Heights

Yeehaw, Guv’nah! ‘High Noon’ Gallops from Wild West to London’s West End Stage

Yeehaw, Guv’nah! ‘High Noon’ Gallops from Wild West to London’s West End Stage ?. Get ready for some frontier drama with a decidedly British accent! A Tony award-winning actor will trade dusty plains for polished floorboards, stepping into the iconic marshal role in a London stage adaptation of the classic 1952 western that famously won Gary Cooper an Oscar. We’re picturing spurs clanking on velvet carpets and dramatic tumbleweeds made of stage smoke. Mind the gap, marshal! Read more: high…

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Read JokeYeehaw, Guv’nah! ‘High Noon’ Gallops from Wild West to London’s West End Stage

After 77 Years, Scientists Finally Crack Jackson Pollock’s ‘Number 1A’ Paint Mystery, Discover It’s the ‘Bad Blue’ Banned by Environmentalists

Well, would you look at that! After a mere 77 years, dedicated art historians and scientists have finally identified the specific blue pigment used in Jackson Pollock’s iconic 1948 masterpiece, ‘Number 1A’. ? Talk about a slow reveal! But here’s the kicker: the ‘manganese blue’ pigment they so painstakingly traced? Turns out it was phased out for environmental reasons. So, basically, they spent decades unraveling a great art mystery just to find out Pollock was dripping with a color that…

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Read JokeAfter 77 Years, Scientists Finally Crack Jackson Pollock’s ‘Number 1A’ Paint Mystery, Discover It’s the ‘Bad Blue’ Banned by Environmentalists

France Gets a ‘Sad Face’ on Its Financial Report Card as Debt Climbs and Leaders Argue Over the Check

France Gets a ‘Sad Face’ on Its Financial Report Card as Debt Climbs and Leaders Argue Over the Check. ? Fitch, the no-nonsense financial principal, has officially given France a less-than-stellar grade, downgrading its credit rating from a ‘respectable’ AA- to a ‘just-passing’ A+. This marks France’s lowest score on record at a major agency, making efforts to control national finances as complicated as trying to assemble IKEA furniture with missing instructions. ?? A leader resembling President Macron and his…

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Read JokeFrance Gets a ‘Sad Face’ on Its Financial Report Card as Debt Climbs and Leaders Argue Over the Check