Ass x Jokes - page 16

Always Check the Address

This came out of the Des Moines Sunday Register…. Here is a little reminder on how important it is to type that e-mail address correctly. A Wisconsin businessman traveled to Louisiana on a business trip. Upon arrival, he immediately plugged his laptop into the hotel room port, and sent a short e-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer Johnson, at her e-mail address:[email protected]. Unfortunately, in his haste, he mistyped a letter, and the e-mail ended up going to: [email protected]. Jean…

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CREAM & SUGAR

A man stops by a diner at noon, the busiest time of day, sits down at the counter and asks for a cup of coffee. The waitress, who is very busy, gives him his coffee and rushes off to help the numerous customers having lunch at the diner. The man, who uses bothcream and sugar in his coffee, notices that the container is empty. As the waitress rushes by, he asks her to bring him cream and sugar for his…

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Who has the smartest dog?

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second was an Accountant, the third was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Worker. To show off, the Engineer called to his dog. “T-Square, do your stuff.” T-Square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. The Accountant said his…

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A Lesson In Observation

A professor teaching medicine is tutoring a class on ‘Observation.’ He then takes out a jar of yellow-colored liquid. “This,” he explains holding up the jar, “is urine. To be a good doctor, you have to be observant to color, smell, sight and taste.” After saying this, the professor dips his finger into the jar and puts it into his mouth. His class watches on, more in disgust than in amazement. But being the diligent students that they are, as…

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Little Johnny’s Arithmetic

One day in class, the math teacher Mrs. Brown noticed that Little Johnny was not paying attention to what she was saying. So she called Little Johnny to recite in class. “Little Johnny, answer this math question,” she said. “If you have 500 dollars and you gave 100 dollars to Susie and gave 100 dollars to Jeannie and gave 100 dollars to Mary Ann, what do you have ?” “An orgy,” answered Little Johnny.

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More of ‘You might be a redneck’

You might be a Redneck if you think the Nutcracker is something you do off the highdive. You might be a Redneck if someone hollers “Hoedown” and your girlfriend falls to the floor. You might be a Redneck if you own a home that is mobile and 14 cars that aren’t. If you have been married 3 times and you still have the same in-laws, you might be a Redneck. If your grandma can properly execute the Sleeper hold. You…

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Another Lawyer Bites The Dust

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out…

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The World is Populated by Idiots

1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. 2. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head. 3. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial…

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Back to the Drawing Board

Sometimes advertising campaigns backfire. Here are a few true examples. 1. Coors translated it’s slogan “Turn it loose” into Spanish, where it was read as “Suffer from diarrhea.” 2. Clairol introduced the “Mist Stick” curling iron into Germany, where they later found out that ‘mist’ is the German equivalent of shit. 3. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market to coincide with the Pope’s visit. But instead of “I saw the Pope” (el Papa), the…

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College football

A sweet young thing took her seat on opening day of her college class. The young man behind her tapped her on the shoulder and said, “What are you doing, wearing a football jersey?” She replied, “Why, I bought it and own it, why shouldn’t I wear it?” He said, “You’re not supposed to wear it unless you’ve made the team.” “Oh,” she replied sweetly, “Who did I miss?”

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Read JokeCollege football