Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
On January 1, 2000, do not open any email, do not go anywhere, do not eat anything , do not wake up, because the world will be infected with a non-life-threatening virus known as the “Holy Shit, the World is Still Here!” virus. It will infect every human being alive who believes their car, refrigerator, microwave, condom dispenser and sphincter muscle are going to shut down due to the terrible Y2K virus. (Although this WILL happen to redneck towns more…
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“Yes, I came face to face with a lion once. To make matters worse, I was alone and weaponless . . .” “Goodness! What did you do?” “What could I do? First, I tried looking straight into his eyeballs, but he kept crawling up on me. Then I thought of plunging my arm down his throat, grabbing him by the tail and turning him inside out, but I decided it would be too dangerous. Yet, he kept creeping up on…
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Judi was driving home one night when she was caught in a bad hail storm. The stones were as big as golf balls. Her car was dented pretty bad. Balking at the price to fix it, Judi was told by the repair shop guy, a smartass by trade, (noticing her bright blonde hair) to blow into the tailpipe REAL HARD when she got home, the dents would pop out. When she got home she started blowing into the tail pipe,…
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Spanish philosopher and poet George Santayana inherited his simple, unostentatious habits from his father. Once he asked the senior Santayana why he always traveled third class. “Because there’s no fourth class,” replied his father.
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1. Hey baby, why don’t you sit on my lap, and we’ll talk about the first thing that POPS up!!! 2. (motion for girl to come here with one finger), “If I can make you come with this finger, imagine what I could do with all five!” 3. Nice shoes, wanna fuck? 4.If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me? 5. Fuck me if I’m wrong….but haven’t we met before? 6. Do…
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Sung to the tune of “The ballad of Jed Clampett” From the BEVERLY HILLBILLIES Submitted by Rena Come and listen to my story ’bout a man named Gore A snippy Democrat, who was really quite a bore On election day of his Presidential bout He thought he lost the fight but he got to recount ballots that is… punch cards… butterflies Well the next thing you know they’re countin’ ’em again He lost a second time so he gave it…
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In the Beginning was the plan. And then came the assumptions. And the assumptions were without form. And the plan was completely without substance. And the darkness was upon the face of the workers. And they spoke among themselves saying: “It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh.” And the workers went unto their supervisors, and sayeth: “It is a pail of dung, and none can abide the odor Thereof” And the supervisors went unto their managers and sayeth…
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A man was brought into the hospital care ward, put in a bed, had tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted in a similar condition. Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking, etc., for a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say: “Scottish.” The other signaled he had heard, raised his own hand and said: “Irish.” This act tired them out so badly…
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A group of terrorists burst into the conference room at the Ramada Inn, where the American Bar Association was holding its Annual Convention. More than a hundred lawyers were taken as hostages. The terrorist leader announced that unless their demands were met, they would release one lawyer every hour.
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The following are actual statements made during court cases: From a defendant representing himself… Defendant: Did you get a good look at me when I stole your purse? Victim: Yes, I saw you clearly. You are the one who stole my purse. Defendant: I should have shot you while I had the chance. ***************************** Defendant: Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer. Judge: And why is that? Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn’t interested in my case. Judge…
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