Army Jokes - page 4

Skinny Dipping

Under a leaden sun, two vacationing secretaries were riding bicycles. When they found a cool river by lush green trees, the gals stopped to swim in the only bathing suits they had brought . . . nothing at all! After a refreshing swim, to dry off, they did limbering exercises. Suddenly, the noise of a loud motor was heard, and the nude nymphs jumped behind two of the trees. Thirty seconds later, an Army jeep pulled up alongside the road.…

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Country Humor

There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks . . . Rufus and Clarence. They lived on opposite sides of the river, and they hated each other. Every morning, just after sunrise, Rufus and Clarence would go down to their respective sides of the river and yell at each other. “RUFUS!!” Clarence would shout. “You better thank your lucky stars that I can’t swim . . . or I’d swim this river and whup your butt!!”…

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pickup lines

1. Hey baby, why don’t you sit on my lap, and we’ll talk about the first thing that POPS up!!! 2. (motion for girl to come here with one finger), “If I can make you come with this finger, imagine what I could do with all five!” 3. Nice shoes, wanna fuck? 4.If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me? 5. Fuck me if I’m wrong….but haven’t we met before? 6. Do…

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No Mistake

During World War II, Mrs. Anderson decided to celebrate Thanksgiving by having several soldiers in as guests. She called the neighboring army base, was connected with one of the first sergeants, and asked that three soldiers be sent to her house the following Thursday. “And Sergeant,” she added, “I do not wish any of them to be Jewish.” “I understand, ma’am,” said the sergeant. Came Thursday and on Mrs. Anderson’s doorstep stood three fine looking black soldiers in spotless uniforms.…

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Select-A-Bra

A man walked into the Ladies Department of Macy’s. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, “I’d like to buy a bra for my wife.” “What type of bra?” asked the clerk. “Type?” inquires the man. “There is more than one type?” “Look around,” said the sales lady, as she showed him a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. “Actually, even with all this variety, there are really only four types…

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This Place is Bugged

A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel in Washington. The bride is concerned and says, “What if this place is still bugged?” The groom says, “I’ll look for a bug.” He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, and under the rug. Finally, he says, “AHA!” Under the rug is a disc with four screws. He gets his Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws, and throws them and the disc out the window. The next morning, the hotel manager…

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moses

One day a little boy returns home from Sunday School. When his mother asks him what he learned he says he learned about Moses. “Well, what did you learn about Moses?” “Well,” said the little boy. “We learned about when he escaped Egypt with all of the Hebrews. And how they were trying to get away but Pharoah was chasing them with his army. But Moses was having trouble getting away so he radioed in for help. Then an airplane…

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Top 5 Worst Pick-up Lines of All-Time

5. “Hey baby let’s play house, you can be the screen door and I will slam you all day” 4. “Is that a mirror in your pants because I can already see myself in them.’ 3. “Let’s play army, you be the good guy and I will be the bad guy and you can blow me away.” 2. “How do you like your eggs…Scrambled, Over-Easy or Fertilized.” 1. “What has 20 teeth and holds back a Tiger? …My Zipper!!!”

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