Air bag Jokes - page 3

You know you’ve been online too long when…

Tech Support calls “YOU” for help. When you are reading something printed, you wish you could use a search function to get to the point. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say “LOL.” When you reply to someone verbally, your fingers start typing your response. You check your e-mail over and over, even when you know there’s nothing there. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on. You have called out someone’s screen name while making…

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Top 10 Reasons EVE was Created….

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions. 9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote. 8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him. 7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor’s, dentist, or…

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High Labor Charges

A feisty, 70-year-old woman had to call a furnace repairman. After a quick inspection, the man put some oil into the motor and handed her a $70 bill for labor. The repairman explained that his company had a minimum one-hour charge on every house call. “Well, I want my remaining 55 minutes of labor.” the lady responded, and she handed him a rake. The repairman spent the next 55 minutes in her yard bagging leaves.

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Car name acronyms

ACURA -Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile AMC -All Makes Combined AMC -A Major Cost AMC -A Mutated Car AMC -A Moron’s Car AMC -Another Major Catastrophe AUDI -Accelerates Under Demonic Influence AUDI -All Unsafe Designs Implemented AUDI -Another Ugly Duetsche Invention AUDI -Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence AUDI -Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc. BMW -Babbling Mechanical Wench BMW -Beastly Monsterous Wonder BMW -Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels BMW -Beautiful Mechanical Wonder BMW -Barely Moving Wreck BMW -Big Money Waste BMW -Big Money. Why?…

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Memo from Microsoft

Dear Customers: It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 98 SOUTHERN EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside the South. If you have one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands. The Southern edition may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads “WINDERS 98” and has a background picture of General Robert E. Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Dukes of Hazzard screen saver.…

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Free Vacation?

The owner of a small travel agency saw an attractive couple gazing at his travel posters. Suddenly inspired, he ran up and told them his idea. “I’ll give you an all-expenses-paid vacation in exchange for appearing in ads endorsing my agency.” They agreed on the spot. Three weeks later he met them at the airport. While the man checked on their baggage, the travel agent asked the woman about the trip. “The food on the cruise ship was wonderful,” she…

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I the undersigned……

I, the undersigned, a female accepting a marriage proposal, agree that… Section 1. In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you’ve drunkenly rolled on top of me and pumped away for five *whole* minutes, wheezing like an old man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one. Section 1.01 And it’ll be a really good act too, with me saying stuff like “So THIS is what hot monkey love is all about!” and howling like a cat…

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Things Learned From Children

Things Learned from Children For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, think of this as birth control. 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house, 4 inches deep. 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3.…

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68 FUN THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2. Ride those electronic cars at the front of the store. 3. Set all the alarm clock to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. 4. Start playing football; see how many people you can get to join in. 5. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him, “I need some…

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Iraqui Jokes

Q: What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common? A: Nothing, yet. Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots? A: You only have to teach them to take off. Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo? A: B-52…F-16…B-2 Q: What is Iraq’s national bird? A: Duck Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats? A: So they can see their Air Force. Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer…

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