Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
One night a guy walked into a bar and asked the bartender for 12 shots of whiskey. When the bartender handed them over, the guy drank them in 10 seconds. When the bartender asked why he was drinking so fast, he replied, “You would too if you had what I got.” The bartender asked, “What do you got?” The guy paused for a moment and then said, “35 cents!”
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Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The President asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink. The minister replied in disgust, “Ma’am, I’d rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!” The President then handed his drink…
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Dear Son: Just a few lines to let you know I’m still alive. I will write this letter slowly because I know you can’t read fast. First the big news…your Dad heard that most accidents happen close to home so we moved. You won’t know the house when you come home as I can’t send you the address because the last redneck family that lived here took the house numbers with them so they wouldn’t have to change their address.…
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A congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. “If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I’m against it. But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I’m for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.”
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This guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, “It’s not a ship.” The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, “It’s not a boat.” The speck gets even closer and he thinks, “It’s not a raft.” Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and she…
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Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, “Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?” “I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests.” “I don’t mean that,” the priest responded. “I mean, are you prepared spiritually?” “Oh, sure,” came the reply. “I’ve got a keg of beer and a case of…
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There was a nun whose worn out body began to surrender. Her doctor prescribed for her a shot of whiskey three times a day to relax her. Not to be lured into “worldly pleasures,” she huffily declined. But the Mother Superior knew the elderly sister loved milk. So she instructed the kitchen to spike the milk three times a day. After a few more years, even that spiked milk couldn’t help, and the aged sister approached her final hour. As…
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Three men were drinking at a bar — a doctor, an attorney and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, “For her birthday I’m going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring. This way if she doesn’t like the fur coat she will still love me because she got a diamond ring.” As the attorney was drinking his martini he said, “For my wife’s birthday I’m going to buy her a…
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On 23 August 1779, the USS Constitution set sail from Boston, loaded with 475 officers and men, 48,600 gallons of water, 74,000 cannon shot, 11,500 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum. Her mission: to destroy and harass English shipping. On 6 October, she made Jamaica, took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of rum. Three weeks later, Constitution reached the Azores, where she provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 2,300 gallons of Portuguese wine.…
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I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in the cellar, and my wife insisted I empty the contents of each bottle down the sink, or else. After careful consideration, I reluctantly agreed and finally proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. Then, I withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of…
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