Ups Jokes

Upside Down Bumper Sticker

I gave my friend who is a blonde a bumper sticker that read, “There is no such thing as a dumb blonde!” A few hours after leaving her house, she called me and asked if I had another bumper sticker. I told her no, but asked why she needed another one. She explained to me that she was going to put the bumper sticker upside down as a joke, but instead she accidentally put it right side up. I guess…

(2)Loading...

Read JokeUpside Down Bumper Sticker

Buttercups

There are two guys playing golf, and they both hit their balls way into the rough. They agree to go find their balls and meet on the fairway later. The first guy is pretty sure he hit his into the big patch of buttercups, so he goes over and starts beating the hell out of the buttercups with his club looking for his ball. All of a sudden, an angel comes down from heaven and tells him that he can…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeButtercups

Twenty Push-Ups

A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer. The bartender informs him that he is not allowed to serve alcohol to drunken patrons. After a few harsh words, the bartender tells the drunk the he can prove he isn’t drunk by doing twenty push-ups on the floor. As he is doing the push-ups, another drunk staggers into the bar and sees this guy doing his push-ups. He looks at him for a minute and then kicks him in the…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeTwenty Push-Ups

3 boys in class

There was class as usual in the fifth grade. In this class all the students would sit on the back except for two shy boys. But today, a boy named Pepito had been talking too much so the teacher told him, he had to sit on the front row. That day, while the teacher was giving lecture (as always the students were falling asleep) the teacher slipped and fell. By the noise she made when she fell, the students rose…

(11)Loading...

Read Joke3 boys in class

No Ears

Three men were driving through the country when their truck broke down. It was bad weather and they had no place to go. Of course the farmer came along and said they could spend the night with him under one condition. He had a son who had no ears and got very upset if anything was said about it. Later that evening at dinner one of the men kept staring at the boy. The boy, getting upset, asks “What are…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeNo Ears

Ooops

Saturday morning, Phil arrives at the club for a golf date when he remembers that he forgot to let his wife know that Sears is delivering the new couch around noon. He picks up the phone in the lounge and calls home. “Hello”, says a little girl’s voice. “Hi, honey, it’s Daddy. Can I speak to Mommy please.” “No, Daddy, she’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Ted. This stops Phil for a moment. “Sweetie, you don’t have an Uncle…

(4)Loading...

Read JokeOoops

The 12 days of christmas

Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Ave. Beaver Valley, CO Dec. 14, 1986 My Darling, I went to the door today and the postman delivered a “partridge in a pear tree”. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised. You’re an angel. With all my love and devotion, Agnes Miss Agnes McHolstein Dec. 15, 1986 Darling, Today, the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine “Two turtle doves”. I’m delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are…

(2)Loading...

Read JokeThe 12 days of christmas

Clinton’s Complaint

One day, President Clinton calls up the White House’s interior decorator and angrily complains, “My daughter Chelsea says she has the ugliest room in the White House. I want you to do something about this right now. I don’t want the little darling to be this upset. “Yes, Mr. President, ” says the interior decorator. “I will take down all those mirrors right away.”

(4)Loading...

Read JokeClinton’s Complaint

Thoughts from within my brain…

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station… What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men? Can atheists get insurance for acts of God? If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP? If Stop & Shop and the A&P were to merge would it be called Stop & P? I believe five out of…

(2)Loading...

Read JokeThoughts from within my brain…