Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station… What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men? Can atheists get insurance for acts of God? If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP? If Stop & Shop and the A&P were to merge would it be called Stop & P? I believe five out of…
(2)
Loading...
a.. Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ASS? b.. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you! c.. Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole d.. 100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest? e.. Your gene pool needs a little chlorine. f.. You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you! g.. DON’T PISS ME OFF!!!!!! I’m running out of…
(4)Loading...
Martha Stewart Holiday Calendar December 1 Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards. December 2 Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine. December 3 Using candlewick and handgilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener. December 4 Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim. December 5 Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself. December 6 Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee…
(1)Loading...
by Dave Berry 1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings”. 3. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.” 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with…
(2)Loading...
A man named John was walking down the street. Some time later he met his friend, Peter. “Hello, Peter.” John said, “I was just going to the market to buy some cabbage for supper. Would you like to come along?” Peter nodded. The two men walked along for about fifteen minutes, when John spoke up, “Phew! Something stinks! Peter, did you shit your pants today?” Peter shook his head. They were passing the movie theatre now and John’s eyes were…
(3)Loading...
Just a line to say I’m living, That I’m not among the dead, Though I’m getting more forgetful And all mixed up inside my head. I got used to my arthritis, To my dentures, I’m resigned. I can manage my bifocals But, Dear God, I miss my mind. Sometimes I can’t remember When I’m at the foot of stairs If I must go up for something Or if I’ve just come down from there. And before the fridge so often,…
(2)Loading...
your mom is so fat…she went to Sizzler’s and got a group discount. your mom is so fat…her belt size is equator. your mom is so fat…she was baptised in the pacific ocean. your mom is so stupid, she told me she tripped over a cordless phone. your mom is so old, she walked by an antiqe shop and they put a price tag on her. your mom is so old…she knew god. your mom is so fat, she sat…
(2)Loading...
A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death. The leader of the discussion said, “We will all die some day, and none of us really knows when, but if we did, we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event.” Everybody nodded their heads in agreement with this comment. Then the leader said to the group, “What would you do if you knew you had only four weeks of life…
(0)Loading...
Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am…
(3)Loading...
One day a priest woke up and noticed that it was a beautiful day outside. He decides to go golfing. So he calls in and says he is sick and cannot come to work. To make sure nobody knows, he drives to a golf course about 2-3 hours away so he doesn’t meet anyone familiar. At that time, St. Peter is talking to God and he says, “You aren’t going to let him get away with this, are you?” “Oh,…
(0)Loading...