Thanksgiving Jokes - page 2

The Chinese version

Three chinese were being interviewed to get into heaven. St. Peter asks them, “Tell me what you know about Easter.” The 1st Guy says, “Easter wary big howaday, kids dress up funny, go to neighbor and get candy.” “NO NO, that’s halloween.” The 2nd Guy says, “Easter wary big howaday, family all get together, have big turkey dinner.” “NO NO NO, you’re also confused, that’s Thanksgiving.” The 3rd Guy says, “Easter we celebrate Jesus, how he die for us on…

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Tatoo-in

A lady went to the doctor’s office for her regular scheduled pap exam. The doctor noticed that she had a tattoo of a Santa Claus on her inside right thigh, but said nothing even though he was curios. The following year the same lady came for her scheduled check up again and then this time the doctor noticed another tattoo of a Turkey on her inside left thigh. The curiosity was too much, so he asked her, “Tell me, young…

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Advice for Yankees

Tips For Yankees 1.) Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it. 2.) If you forget a Southerner’s name, refer to him (or her) as Bubba. You have a 50% of being right. 3.) Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows. 4.) If you do run your car in a ditch, don’t panic. Four men…

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Heavenly Voice Mail

WHAT IF GOD HAD VOICE MAIL We have all learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of modern life. But you may have wondered: what if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing this: Thank you for calling The Lord’s House. Please select from the following options: Press 1 for GENERAL REQUESTS Press 2 for THANKSGIVING Press 3 for COMPLAINTS Press 4 for HEALING Press 5 for HELP WITH THE IRS Press 6 for…

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HIS and HERS Road Trip

HERS: 1. Pulls off at wrong exit. 2. Opens window 3. Asks directions of a knowledgeable police officer 4. Arrives at destination presently. HIS: 1. Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it’s the correct one. 2. Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he’s right. 3. Drives an extra 5 miles just in case. 4. finally rolls down window 5. hocks a loogie 6. pulls up to a 7-11 7. gets three hot-dogs, a large slurpee, and beef jerky…

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Pregnant Turkey

One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister’s house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister was, Mom decided to play a trick on her. She told my sister that she needed something from the store and sent her for it. While she was gone, my mom took the turkey out of the oven un-stuffed it, re-stuffed it with a Cornish game hen, put the stuffing back over the top of it, and put it back…

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2001 Holiday Schedule

The Office of Personnel Management for the United States government today announced the 2001 holiday schedule for federal employees. There will be two fewer holidays in Washington, D.C., next year. Halloween and Thanksgiving have been cancelled. The witch is moving to New York, and she’s taking the turkey with her.

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Evasive Turkey

It was the first time the blonde had eaten Thanksgiving dinner without her family. Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself. The day after Thanksgiving her mother called to see how everything went. “Oh, Mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey,” said the daughter. “Did it not taste good?” her mother asked. “I don’t know,” the blonde said. “It wouldn’t sit still!”

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Whole Lotta Yo Mama

SO BIG Yo mama’s so big, that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step. Yo mama’s so big, her belly button’s got an echo. Yo mama’s so big, she can’t wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back. Yo mama’s so big, she rollerskates on busses. Yo mama’s so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers. Yo mama’s so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker. Yo mama’s so big, she uses bowling…

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