Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Two stockbrokers went to lunch. One looked at the other and said, “Let’s relax while we eat and talk about something other than the market or any kind of business at all.” “Good idea, Sam. Let’s talk about women.” “OK…common or preferred???”
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After reading the morning headlines about the recent stock market downturn, a high-powered executive trying to impress a client in his office, flipped on his intercom switch and barked to his secretary, “Miss Hunter, get my broker!” The client was impressed until he heard the secretary’s clear voice saying, “Yes, Sir, stock or pawn?”
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Jim has three girlfriends, but he doesn’t know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5,000.00 and see how each of them spends it. The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells Jim, “I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much.” The second one went out and bought new…
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Linda and Jill are having coffee when Linda notices that Jill seems troubled and asks her, “Is something bothering you? You look anxious.” “Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money and life savings in the stock market,” Jill explained. “Oh, that’s too bad,” Linda sympathized. “I’m sure you’re feeling sorry for him.” “Yeah, I am,” Jill admitted. “He’ll miss me.”
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What does your profession say about you? ======================================= 1. MARKETING You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales. 2. SALES Laziest of all signs, often referred to as “marketing without a degree.” You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like…
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A man comes home one day and says to his wife, “The stock market crashed and I lost all of my money. We’ll have to start over.” The wife says, “But that will take forever! I’d rather die!” and jumps out of their 30th story window and falls to her death. The man looks up from his wife splattered on the sidewalk. A grin slowly appears on his face and he says, “Thank you, Paine Webber….”
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THE STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS THAT PRESIDENT CLINTON SHOULD HAVE GIVEN: “Members of Congress…people of America…I banged her. I banged her like a cheap gong. Which is not news, folks, because if you think Monica Lewinsky was the only skin flute player in my orchestra, you haven’t been paying attention. The only babes in D.C. I haven’t tried to do are the First Lady, Reno, Albright, and Shalala, mostly because they’re a little older than I like and they…
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While the U.S. stock market was at an all-time high, the ups and downs frightened a lot of small investors. A guy went to his financial adviser at the bank and asked if he were worried. He replied that he slept like a baby. He was amazed and asked, “Really? Even with all the fluctuations?” He said, “Yes. I sleep for a couple of hours, then wake up and cry for a couple of hours.”
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You know those “special offers” that “you would be CRAZY to turn down”? Here’s how you might wish to respond to them: —————————————- To Whom It May Concern: Thank you for your recent e-mail to me. It was good hearing from you and reading your advertisement As information, I am a reasonably healthy male, over 40 years of age. If you sent me the ad/offer regarding how I may “enlarge my breasts,” I think I’ll pass, if you don’t mind.…
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1. Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too. 2. If a real beauty comes your way walking her dog, stop and pet it. That makes you her friend, and before you know it she’ll be introducing herself and shaking your hand, unless her dog is a pit bull. Then she’ll just introduce herself. 3. Bump into her rear end.…
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