State police Jokes

Three football fans were driving down the road together, when they spied something laying on the side of the road. Upon investigating, they discovered a dead young woman, who was lying face up, and competely nude. The first football fan removed his Green Bay Packers cap and placed it over her right breast. The second football fan removed his San Francisco 49er cap and placed it over her left breast. The third football fan removed his Dallas Cowboys cap and…

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Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to…

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One day an old man named Ralph went driving on his favorite highway. Twenty minutes into the trip, he looks in his rear-view mirror only to see flashing lights of the state police. Ralph pulls the car to the side of the road and the cop follows him onto the berm. “License and Registration, please,” said the cop. After looking at the license for a minute, the cop asks Ralph if he knows why he pulled him over. Ralph replies,…

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A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general, began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing so, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The farmer asks, “Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?” The trooper…

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The other day I was on my way home from work when the most remarkable thing happened! Traffic was heavy as usual, and as I sat there at a red light, out of nowhere, a bird slammed into my windshield. If that wasn’t bad enough, the poor creature got its wing stuck under my windshield wiper. Just then the light turned green, and there I was with a deceased bird stuck on my windshield. Without any other apparent options, turning…

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There were three ducks swimming and blowing bubbles in a lake. There was a sign that stated NO SWIMMING OR BLOWING BUBBLES IN THE LAKE. A policeman came by and saw the three ducks and arrested them. When they appeared in court the judge told the first duck to approach the bench and state his name. The first duck said, “My name is Duck.” The judge asked, “What are you in for?” Duck responded, “For swimming and blowing bubbles.” Judge…

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ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures. ACTORS do it on cue. ADVERTISERS use the “new, improved” method. AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker. ARCHAEOLOGISTS like it old. ARCHITECTS have great plans. ARTISTS are exhibitionists. ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over. ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus. ATTORNEYS make better motions. AUDITORS like to examine figures. BABYSITTERS charge by the hour. BAILIFFS always come to order. BAKERS knead it daily. BAND MEMBERS play all night. BANKERS do it with interest – penalty for…

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Maybe you can assist me with a problem which I’m having with a friend. She owns a used furniture store, and a few weeks ago the store was burglarized. The only thing taken was a big, beautiful, high-back fabric sofa, valued at over $1,000. My friend was devastated, as it was the finest used item in the entire store. Police speculate that it was the only item stolen, simply because the thieves were not able to carry anything else out…

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Three guys,a Russian, a Swede and a Czech, decided that they wanted to go bear hunting. They read all the books, asked the pros for advice, and got all the state of the art equipment. When they got to the reserve they told the guard on duty, “If we don’t come back in three days, come looking for us.” And with that taken care of they drove on into the wilderness. Three days passed and still the guys hadn’t shown…

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