Start car Jokes

a Blond and a car

There was a blonde driving a car, and all was going fine until the car started speeding up it hit a lot of bumps and she was thrown off , but her foot was caught in a wire her head was bouncing dangerously close to the ground. Just when she was about to give up hope, a Walmart employee came out and unplugged the car.

(7)Loading...

Read Jokea Blond and a car

If AOL Made Cars…

1. The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer. 2. The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player. 3. The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later. 4. The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars. 5. AOL would sell the same model car year after year and…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeIf AOL Made Cars…

Bad Report Card

Little Johnny comes home from school at the end of a term with his report card. The report card has all D’s and F’s. His parents start lecturing him, and Johnny explains that everyone in his class did poorly, not just him. “But what about David down the street?” they said. “HE brought home all A’s and B’s.” “Well, David is different,” he retorted. “How so?” his father asked. “Cuz his parents are smart!”

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeBad Report Card

Cemetery Scare

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery, just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. “Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath. “You scared us half to death! We thought you…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeCemetery Scare

The Priest, the Vicar and the Minister

A Church of England vicar and a Methodist minister have been having a friendly meeting at the residence of a Catholic priest. As they start to think about leaving, the priest offered them a whisky to help them on their way. “Don’t mind if I do, thanks,” says the vicar, and is given an ample glassful. “And yourself?” says the priest to the Methodist minister. “What? Drink alcohol?” says the minister aghast. “Why, I’d rather commit adultery!!” At this the…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeThe Priest, the Vicar and the Minister

Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

SCHIZOPHRENIA: Do you Hear What I Hear? MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: We Three Queens Disoriented Are DEMENTIA: I Think I’ll Be Home for Christmas NARCISSISTIC: Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me MANIC: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and.. PARANOID: Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me. PERSONALITY DISORDER: You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeChristmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

New Car

There was this guy named Joe. Ever since he was born, he has always been 2nd at everything. His baby stroller was always slower than the other kids’, his tricycle was old and rusted and had wobbly wheels, his first bike was a piece of junk, his first car wouldn’t go over 35 m.p.h. So Joe resigned himself to a life of slowness, never able to win a race in his life. Until one day, when his rich uncle died…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeNew Car

Startling Statistics

The following company has a little over 500 employees with these statistics: *29 have been accused of spousal abuse *7 have been arrested for fraud *19 have been accused of writing bad checks *117 have bankrupted at least two businesses *3 have been arrested for assault *71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit *14 have been arrested on drug-related charges *8 have been arrested for shoplifting *21 are current defendants in lawsuits In 1998 alone, 84 were…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeStartling Statistics

He and She at the ATM

HE: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Insert card 3. Enter PIN and account 4. Take cash, card and receipt 5. Drive off SHE: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Check makeup in rearview mirror 3. Shut off engine 4. Put keys in purse 5. Get out of car because you’re too far from machine 6. Hunt for card in purse 7. Insert card 8. Search purse for gum wrapper with PIN written on it 9. Enter PIN 10.Study instruction…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeHe and She at the ATM