Spiders Jokes

Spiders in the Garden

A little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating. “Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked. “They’re mating,” her father replied. “What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked. “That’s a Daddy Longlegs,” her father answered. “So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?” the little girl asked. “No,” her father replied. “Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.” The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and…

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The Witch and the spiders

Once there were these three REALLY stupid spiders. All they ever wanted was to be smart. So, one day, they decided that they would go to a witch and see if she could make them smart. “So, you want to be smart,huh?”, the witch asked. “Ok, I will make you smart but first, you must go out and learn three facts by yourselves to prove that you really want to be smart.” The spiders agreed and were on their way.…

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Male Bashing

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy. Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough. Q: Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? A: Because if they all went, it would be Hell. Q: Why do men like smart women? A: Opposites attract. Q: How are husbands like lawn mowers? A: They’re hard to…

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Twas the Night before Crisis

Twas the night before crisis, And behind White House doors, Not a creature was stirring, Especially Al Gore. The interns were nestled, Dressed in their berets, In hopes that Saint Bubba Would come out to play. When on the East Lawn, There arose such a clatter, Even Sam Donaldson Lost control of his bladder. Away to our TVs We flew like a flash, There’s a special report, And it’s pre-empting M*A*S*H! And what to our wondering Eyes should appear, But…

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Interesting Facts (again)

If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that’s more like it!) The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps outward to squirt blood 30 feet. A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (Lucky Pig!) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Still not over that pig thing!) Humans, whales and dolphins are the only species that have sex for…

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Little Known Facts

Did you know that.. The average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it. The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night. Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn’t wear pants. Marilyn Monroe had six toes. If you keep a goldfish in a dark room it will eventually turn white. The names of all the continents start with the same letter that they end with. If the population of China walked past you in…

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