Spelling Jokes

A young lady was eating lunch alone at a restaurant and couldn’t help overhearing a discussion among four men at a neighboring table. Said the first man, “Just spell it the simplest possible way—W-O-O-M.” “There’s a B in it, you dope,” said the second. “It’s spelled W-O-O-M-B.” “You don’t have enough letters,” objected the third. “I think it ought to be spelled W-O-O-O-M-M-B.” “Nonsense,” said the fourth. “It’s ridiculous to put in all those letters. Besides, there’s a final R.…

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A teacher is giving a spelling bee. She asks little John to spell the word, “Before.” “Um…Before: b-e-e-f-o-r,” he replies, erroneously. The teacher then calls on Suzy. “Before: b-e-p-h-o-r.” Again, she too is wrong, and the teacher calls on little Leroy. “Before: b-e-f-o-r-e,” gloats the little boy. Very good, Leroy! Now can you use the word in a sentence?” “Yeah. Before: Two and two be fore.”

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Mrs. Dahlia asks her class if anyone can use the word “contagious” in a sentence. James stands up and says, “If you get Shigella it can be contagious.” The teacher applauds him on a job well done. Then she asks, “Anyone else?” Billy, being ever so innocent, stands up, “I asked my dad the other day how long it would take for the neighbor to plant the rosebed she was working on and he told me it would take the…

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“Dad,” said the boy, “we had a spelling contest in school today, and I missed on the very first word.” “That’s too bad, Son,” consoled the father. “What was the word?” “Posse.” “Well, no wonder you couldn’t spell it, Lunkhead. You can’t even pronounce it correctly!”

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My son, Kenny, a kindergartner, practices spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and mom have been proudly displayed for all to see. One morning, while getting ready for the day, Kenny bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters: G-O-D. “Look what I spelled, Mom!” Kenny exclaimed, a proud smile on his face. “That’s wonderful!” I praised him. “Now go put them on the fridge so Daddy can see…

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On the first day of school the teacher announces, “To get to know the class better, I’d like each child to tell us their name, what their father does for a living, spell it, and if he were here what would he give the class?” The first boy says, “Hi, my name is Johhny. My daddy is a baker, B-A-K-E-R and if my father was here he would give the class a muffin.” Next girl says, “Hi, my name is…

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After the grade-school class comes back inside, the teacher asks Alice, “What did you do at recess?” Alice says, “I played in the sandbox.” “That’s nice,” the teacher says. “If you can go to the blackboard and write ‘sand’ correctly, I’ll give you a fresh-baked cookie.” Alice does, and she gets a cookie. Then the teacher asks Billy what he did at recess. Billy says, “I played in the sandbox with Alice.” The teacher says, “Good. If you can write…

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Marv Albert, Dan Quayle, and Donald Trump were in a spelling contest. Who do you think won? Dan Quayle because he was the only one who knew “harass” was one word.

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