Speeding car Jokes

a Blond and a car

There was a blonde driving a car, and all was going fine until the car started speeding up it hit a lot of bumps and she was thrown off , but her foot was caught in a wire her head was bouncing dangerously close to the ground. Just when she was about to give up hope, a Walmart employee came out and unplugged the car.

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Stopped for Speeding

A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer. The following exchange takes place . . . The man says, “What’s the problem, Officer?” Officer: “You were going at least 75 in a 55-zone.” Man: “No Sir, I was going 65.” Wife: “Oh, Harry, you were going 80.” (The man gives his wife a dirty look.) Officer: “I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.” Man: “Broken tail light? I didn’t…

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Cartoon Laws

Cartoon Law I. Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second^2 takes over. Cartoon Law II. Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on…

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speeding nuns

There were four nuns in a car one day and the highway patrolman pulled them over. The highway patrolman went up to the nun that was driving and asked if she had any idea how fast she was going. The nun replied, “I always go one under the speed limit so I was going 28 mph.” The state patrolman replied, “Sister you’re on 29 and the speed limit is 55.” The patrolman looked back and saw one of the nuns…

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Speeding Senior Citizen…..

Ethel is a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loves to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman is one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerate her, and some actually join in… one day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and a man stepped out with his arm stretched out… “Stop!” he said in…

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Some more awful blonde jokes

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “PULLOVER!” “NO,” the blonde yelled back, “IT’S A SCARF!” ++++++++++ The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something…

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Field Sobriety Test

A Dallas police officer stopped a man for speeding and upon approaching the car noticed that that the man had numerous knives on the back seat. The driver responded to the officers inquiries about the knives by saying that he was a circus juggler and they were part of his routine. The officer aked for a demonstration so the juggler complied. At the same time, George W. Bush was passing by and saw the juggling exhibition. He turned to Dick…

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The Bike Ride

A joke told about my father, Officer Harold Padgett, who was a traffic cop at the time…… George had just gotten a brand new ten speed bike when he got the notion in his head that he was going to ride his new bike across the state. George hopped on his bike and peddled away toward this new adventure. Twenty miles down the road, George is huffing and puffing all the peddling, so he pulls into a gas to take…

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He Got Nailed

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveing at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, “Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don’t think it’s fair–there were plenty of other cars around me going just as…

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Breathalizer

There was a cop who saw a speeding red Corvette driving down the road. So, as his job required, he pulled the car over. There was a hot 5’7″ blonde in the car. The officer asked her, “Ma’am, can I see your driver’s license?” To this the woman woman replies, “What’s that?” The cop told her it was a thing you normally find in you pocketbook. The blonde found it and said, “Here ya go.” Then the cop asked to…

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