Son of a bitch Jokes

50 Reasons to be a Woman

1.Free drinks. 2.Free dinners. 3.Free movies (you get the point). 4.You can hug your friend without wondering if she thinks you’re gay. 5.You can hug your friend without wondering if YOU’RE gay. 6.You know ‘The Truth’ about whether size matters. 7.Speeding ticket? What’s that? 8.New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life. 9.You never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned in high school. 10.If you have sex with someone and don’t call them…

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magicians, jugglers, and roadkill.

Jesse Jackson, a boyscout, and an Italian Guy are in a plane. There are only two parachutes. The Italian guy turns to the other two and says, “Have either of you seen a black guy, a Jewish guy, or a Genie?” Jackson and the boyscout shake their heads. “Son of a bitch”, says the Italian guy, “I’m in the wrong joke.”

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A Letter of Apology

When I came into the office this morning, I noticed a sort of general feeling of unfriendliness, and since several of you have called me a “dirty son of a bitch” to my face, I knew I must have done something wrong at the office New Year’s Party. The Office Manager called me from the hospital today, and as this is my last day on the job, I’d like to take this way of apologizing to all of you. I…

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Piccolo Player

One day a farmer caught a traveling salesman making love to his youngest daughter. Yelling “You son of a bitch!” he shot the amorous salesman in the groin with a .12-gauge shotgun. The screaming salesman quickly took off for town to find a doctor. He found one, but the physician took one look at the man’s dick and told him that nothing could be done for him. “Oh, please do something,” begged the salesman. “I’m a rich man and can…

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Ebonics Crimmus Pome

Wuz de nite befo Crimmus; And all ower da hood; ereybody wuz’ sleepin’; Dey wuz sleepin’ good. We hunged up our stockings; An hoped like de’ heck; That old Santa Clause; Be bringin’ our check. All o’de fambily; Wuz layin in de beds; While Ripple and Thunderbird; Danced through dey heads. I passed out inna’ flo; Right nex to my Maw; When I heard sech a fuss; I thunk: “It mus be de law!!!” I looked out thru de bars;…

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Midget in a bar

Midget walks into a bar, throws a five dollar bill on the table and says to the bartender, “Give me a five dollar shot of your best whiskey! And who’s the toughest son of a bitch in this bar tonight?” The bartender pours the midget a nice healthy shot of Crown Royal and says, “Well, I’d say the large fellow at the end of the bar is the toughest son of a bitch in this bar tonight.” Well the midget…

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Snow Diary

A SNOW DIARY DECEMBER 4 – 5:00 It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our hot buttered rum and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful. DECEMBER 9 – We woke to a big beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and…

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What?

Has your mom ever called you a son of a bitch? My mom has. She said, “Shawn, you son of a bitch.” And of course I said, “You have to be right on that one, Mom.” I got my ass whooped pretty bad.

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Order in the Court?

The following are actual statements made during court cases: From a defendant representing himself… Defendant: Did you get a good look at me when I stole your purse? Victim: Yes, I saw you clearly. You are the one who stole my purse. Defendant: I should have shot you while I had the chance. ***************************** Defendant: Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer. Judge: And why is that? Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn’t interested in my case. Judge…

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A Very Brave Soldier, Indeed

A Navy Admiral, a Marine General and an Army General were having some drinks at the officer’s club in a major military base. After a few rounds of iced tea, the Navy Admiral boasted, “You know, the Navy has the bravest fighting men ever to serve in the Armed Forces. I can prove it to you all.” Before the others could protest, the Admiral proceeded to phone his headquarter and asked for the best Navy Seal in his command to…

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Read JokeA Very Brave Soldier, Indeed