Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.” The husband asks, “WHAT??” The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen that night, and he might as well deal with it. The next day the husband takes…
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There were three blondes on a building and each one of them was going to commit suicide because they couldn’t take anymore blonde jokes. The first blonde jumps and it takes 3 months to scrape her off of the side walk. The second blonde jumps and it takes 6 months to scrape all of her off the road. Finally the 3rd blonde jumps and lands on a seatless bycicle, and it takes 5 years to get the smile off of…
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Symptom: Feet cold and wet. Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle. Action: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. Symptom: Feet warm and wet. Fault: Improper bladder control. Action: Stand next to the nearest dog and complain about house training. Symptom: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. Fault: Glass Empty Action: Get someone to buy you another beer. Symptom: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. Fault: You have fallen over backwards. Action: Have yourself leashed to the bar.…
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A retired couple was driving to Florida for the winter, when they were stopped by a highway patrolman in South Carolina. The patrolman approached the car, and noticed that is was an elderly couple, and the wife was driving. “Excuse me, Maam”, he said to the old woman, “Can I see your driver’s license please?” She then turned to her husband with puzzled look on her face. To this the old man screamed, “HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR DRIVERS LICENSE!”…
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1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahhhh, it’s cute. 3. Why don’t we just cuddle? 4. You know they have surgery to fix that. 5. Make it dance. 6. Can I paint a smiley face on it? 7. Wow, and your feet are so big. 8. It’s OK, we’ll work around it. 9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it? 10. Oh no…. a flash headache. 11. (giggle and point) 12. Can I be honest with you? 13.…
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A big-city, California, lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell into this field and now I’m going to retrieve it.” The old farmer replied, “This is my property,…
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There once was a man named Tom who was going out with a woman named Lorraine. He thought Lorraine was THE one. They had been going out for years and he was thinking of finally proposing. Tom was also the head of a company and one day his personal secretary of many years quit because of family issues. Tom was upset but contacted an agency to find his a suitable replacement. Immediatly they found one, named Clearly, and she was…
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The following is from an ACTUAL 1950’s Home Economics textbook for High School girls, teaching them how to prepare for married life. 1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal – on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the propects of a good meal are part of the…
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1: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block! 2: What do you say to a blonde that won’t give in? “Have another beer.” 3: What’s a blonde’s favorite wine? “Daddy! I want to go to Miami 4: Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde are walking down the street. They spot a $100 on the ground. Who gets it? Nobody. The first four don’t exist and the…
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I know it’s long, but it’s worth reading:o) Occasionally, airline flight attendants make an effort to make the “in-flight safety lecture” a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: “As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position.” “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways out of this airplane…” “Your seat cushions…
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