Smart ass Jokes - page 2

The World is Populated by Idiots

1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. 2. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head. 3. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial…

(6)Loading...

Read JokeThe World is Populated by Idiots

12 Days of Christmas

December 14th Dearest John: I went to the door today and UPS was here with a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised. With dearest love and affection, Agnes December 15th Dearest John: Today, UPS brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves? I’m just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable. All my love, Agnes December 16th Dear John: Oh, aren’t you the extravagant one! Now…

(2)Loading...

Read Joke12 Days of Christmas

Who’s In Charge?

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge. “I should be in charge”, said the brain, “because I run all the body’s systems, so without me nothing would happen”. “I should be in charge”, said the blood, “because I circulate oxygen all over, so without me you’d all waste away”. “I should be in charge”, said the stomach, “because I process food and give all of you energy”. “I should be…

(5)Loading...

Read JokeWho’s In Charge?

Bad Report Card

Little Johnny comes home from school at the end of a term with his report card. The report card has all D’s and F’s. His parents start lecturing him, and Johnny explains that everyone in his class did poorly, not just him. “But what about David down the street?” they said. “HE brought home all A’s and B’s.” “Well, David is different,” he retorted. “How so?” his father asked. “Cuz his parents are smart!”

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeBad Report Card

Trailer Trash Tragedy

Three Trailer Trash brothers, Buford, Daryl and Daryl, go out on the lake fishin in a canoe. Purty soon, Daryl an Daryl get to rasslin in the canoe and sure enough it turns over. Now Buford he smart but he cain’t swim none, so he drowns while Daryl and Daryl they get picked up by Luke McCoy who is also out thar fishin. The next day, Sheriff Will Harmon, he sends his deputy to bring Daryl and Daryl down to…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeTrailer Trash Tragedy

Fighting Back

After all the men bashing jokes, it time to FIGHT BACK!!! How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink. How…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeFighting Back

If Men Ran the World…

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to “I love you.” Hallmark would make “Sorry, what was your name again?” cards. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she’d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeIf Men Ran the World…

If Men Truly Ran the World…

If Men TRULY ran the world: 1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a “Nice hustle, you’ll get ’em next time” would pretty much do it. 2. Birth control would come in ale or lager. 3. Valentine’s Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. 4. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you’d get the day off to go drinking. Mother’s Day too. 5.…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeIf Men Truly Ran the World…

Murphy’s Laws Of Combat

1. If the enemy is in range, so are you. 2. Incoming fire has the right of way. 3. Don’t look conspicuous, it draws fire. ( For this reason aircraft carriers have been called “Bomb Magnets.”) 4. There is always a way. 5. The easy way is always mined. 6. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo. (Trivia devotees will recall the sudden disappearance of rank and distinctive caps on the uniforms worn by Soviet officers in…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeMurphy’s Laws Of Combat

Technology Organizational Chart

In the lower ranks of the MIS world, sorting out job titles is a nearly impossible task. Some folks are called Analysts. Some are called Programmers. Some are called Engineers. None of them has window offices. A truly experienced high-tech professional has held five or even six of these positions . . . usually all at the same time. 10. Programmer: This person holds the lowest rank in the DP field. Manages no one. Answers to everyone. Approximately 50% of…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeTechnology Organizational Chart