Sitting on the porch Jokes

Gettin’ a Little….

Two elderly gentleman are sitting on the porch, just rockin’ and taking in the day. First man asks: “Tell me John, I am curious, have you been gettin’ a little on the side?” John looks a bit puzzled and responds: “To tell you the truth, it’s been so damn long, I didn’t even know they moved it…”

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Contagious

Little Johnny’s teacher asked the class if they had ever heard the word “contagious” before. Little Susie put up her hand and proceded to tell the class that when somebody has the chicken pox they are contagious. Her mummy said so. Next was little Robert. He told the class that contagious was when somebody has got the measles. Then little Johnny stood up to set them all right. “You’re both wrong. The other day I was sitting on the porch…

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Out with the old…

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The young rooster upon arrival walks over to the old rooster and says, ?OK, old man, time to pack your bags and retire.? The old rooster says with conviction, ?You can?t handle all these chickens? Just look at what it did to me!? The young rooster replies, ?Now, it is time for the old to step aside and the young to take over,…

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Does Your Dog Bite?

There was a hound dog lying in the yard, and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch. “Excuse me, Sir, but does your dog bite?” the tourist asked. The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, “Nope.” As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling and then attacked both the man’s arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, he yelled, “I thought you…

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Johnny’s Magic

Little Johnny is walking down the laneway one morning with something cupped in his hands. An old farmer sitting on the porch sees him coming and wonders what he is up to. “Hey little Johnny, whatcha got there in your hands?” Johnny replies, “Got me a bullfrog…goin to town to get me a bull.” The old farmer just chuckles. A short while later, here comes Johnny leading a bull. The old farmer scratches his head in amazement. Next day, here…

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How They Do It In The South

One hot, summer afternoon in Alabama, Ma and Pa are sitting on the porch swing, rocking to and fro. Then Pa turns to Ma and says, “Screw you, Ma.” A minute passes by when Ma says to Pa, “Screw you, Pa.” Another minute passes by and Pa says to Ma, “Screw you, Ma.” Again another minute passes by and Ma says to Pa, “Screw you, Pa.” After a couple of minutes pass by, Pa says to Ma, “You know something,…

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To the Top

There was a pheasant sitting on a branch,trying to get to the top of the tree, but just didn’t have the energy to get to the very top. He looked down and there was this bull right below him at the base of the tree. The bull looked up and could see the frustration in the pheasant’s eyes, and said, “Whats Wrong?” The pheasant told him he needed to get to the top, but just didn’t have enough strength. The…

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Horny Old Ladies

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One old lady turns to the other and asks, “Do you still get horny?” The other replies, “Oh, sure I do.” The first old lady asks, “What do you do about it?” The second old lady replies, “I suck a lifesaver.” After a few moments, the first old lady asks……”Who drives you to the beach?”

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BALL LICKER

Two old guys are sitting on a porch watching a dog lick his balls. First guy sees this and admires the dog and says, “I sure wish I could do that!” And the other guy turns to him and says, “Don’t you think you should pet him first!?”

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Grandpa Forgot

My Grandpa and Grandma were sitting on their porch swing enjoying the nice evening breeze, when Grandpa lovingly leaned over and said, “Hey Ma, I’m gonna have some ice cream, would you like some?” “Yeah, Pa, but you’d better write it down or you’ll forget”, says Grandma. Grandpa replies, “I won’t forget.” “Alright then”, says Grandma, “I’d like nuts and whipped cream and a cherry on mine. You’d better write that down, Pa you’re gonna forget it.” Disgruntled, Grandpa storms…

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