Shaking hands Jokes

Raining Candidates

Two candidates for political office inadvertently scheduled simultaneous campaign rallies in the same park of a small New England town. After a lengthy round of speeches, the candidates worked their way through the crowd–shaking hands, kissing babies and beaming mightily. Suddenly, the skies opened, and it began to rain. One of the candidates fled to take shelter in a nearby restaurant, along with half a dozen regulars. The other candidate, however, continued to move through the crowd–shaking hands kissing babies,…

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Candy Psychology

If you were buying candy and you had your choice of the following, which one would you choose? 1. BABY RUTH 2. 3 MUSKETEERS 3. BUTTER FINGER 4. SNICKERS 5. HERSHEY’S 6. ALMOND JOY 7. CLARK BAR 8. GOOD’N’PLENTY 9. ENERGY BAR 10. CHOCOLATE COVERED RAISINS OK — Now that you have chosen, here’s what research says about you: Don’t scroll down until you’ve made your choice! No, you can’t change your mind once you scroll! So think carefully! :…

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No worries…

There is no reason to be worried. In life there are only two things to worry about; whether you are well, or whether you are ill. If you are well, there is nothing to worry about, but if you are ill there are two things to worry about; whether you get well, or whether you die. If you get well,then there’s nothing to worry about. If you die, then there are two things to worry about; whether you go to…

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2 Dead Monkeys and a Little Old Lady

A little old lady had two monkeys for years. One day one of them died of natural causes. In grief, the second monkey passed away two days later. Not knowing what to do with them, she finally decided to take them to the taxidermist and have them stuffed. After telling the owner of her wishes, he asked her, “Do you want them mounted?” Blushing, she said, “No. Shaking hands will be fine.”

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Statue Bliss

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from Heaven. “You’ve been such exemplary statues,” he announced to them, “that I’m going to give you a special gift. I’m going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want.” And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life. The two approached…

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The Butler Did It

So there is this rich woman who lives in a large mansion. One day she comes upon the butler and says, “Butler, take off my blouse.” With trembling hands, he takes off her blouse. Next she says, “Butler, take off my skirt.” Shaking violently now, he takes off her skirt. Then she says, “Take off my bra.” He eases off her bra, still trembling. Then she says, “Butler, take off my panties.” Then the rich woman says “And if I…

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Bushisms, pt 2

“I think we agree, the past is over.”?On his meeting with John McCain, Dallas Morning News, May 10, 2000 “It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it.”–Reuters, May 5, 2000 (Thanks to Allison Fansler.) GOV. BUSH: Because the picture on the newspaper. It just seems so un-American to me, the picture of the guy storming the house with a scared little boy there. I talked to my little brother, Jeb?I haven’t told this to many people.…

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