Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Two plumbers, Bob and Phil, went bar-hopping every week together, and every week like clockwork, Bob would go home with a woman while Phil went home alone. One week Phil had had enough and asked Bob for his secret to picking up women. “That’s easy,” said Bob. “When you’re out on the dance floor and she leans in and asks you what you do for a living, don’t tell her you’re a plumber. Tell her you’re a lawyer.” Later Phil…
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*************************************** IT IS SATURDAY, a crisp Winter’s afternoon, and you’re exactly where you should be: stretched out on the sofa in front of a televised sporting event, opening beer number two, relaxed in the knowledge that the pizza you ordered is even now on its way. Nothing could improve this moment, except maybe a bigger television. Suddenly your wife enters the room and says, “What exactly do you think you’re doing?” Is this a trick question? Yes, it is. The…
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Top 25 Signs That You’ve Already Grown Up 1. Your potted plants stay alive. 2. Fooling around in a twin sized bed is absurd. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep. 5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. 6. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel. 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup. 8. You…
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The following is from an ACTUAL 1950’s Home Economics textbook for High School girls, teaching them how to prepare for married life. 1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal – on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the propects of a good meal are part of the…
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Dear Son, I’m writing this slow ’cause I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we did when you first left. Your Dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won’t be able to send you the address as the last family here took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn’t have to change their address. This place has a washing machine. The first…
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After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the director reviewed the rescuer’s file and called him into his office. “Mr. James, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you’re ready to go home. I’m only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck.” “Oh, he didn’t kill himself,” Mr. James replied. “I hung him…
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Mess Test :Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fishstick behind the TV and leave it there all summer. Toy Test: Buy a 55-gallon drum of Lego. (If Lego’s are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks.) Have a friend spread them all over the house and stairways. Put on a blindfold and remove your shoes and socks. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream, as this could wake the child at night.…
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Two old men were sitting in their wheelchairs in the hallway of the nursing home. The nurse walks by and asks Homer what he is doing. “I am flying to Florida,” replied Homer. A little while later, she walks back by and asks him if he is already there. He told her he was almost there. She goes and checks on the other patients. After she finished with the other patients, she walked back down the hallway. Fred, the other…
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Mr. Harris had a new secretary who was such a pretty young thing and so eager to please that he decided to “work late” and to take her to dinner tonight. So he called up his wife to tell her he would be late and she replied, “No problem.” So Mr. Harris treated his secretary to dinner at a fancy restaurant where they had one drink too many. After dinner with her, it was obvious that Mr. Harris would get…
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Dear Son: Just a few lines to let you know I’m still alive. I will write this letter slowly because I know you can’t read fast. First the big news…your Dad heard that most accidents happen close to home so we moved. You won’t know the house when you come home as I can’t send you the address because the last redneck family that lived here took the house numbers with them so they wouldn’t have to change their address.…
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