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Deadly Prophecy

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A medieval Jewish astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die.

Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The kind was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman’s death. He summoned the astrologer and gave him this command: “Prophet, tell me when you will die!”

The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him, immediately, no matter what answer he gave. So he said, finally, “I do not know when I will die. I only know that whenever I die, you will die three days later.”



10 Ways to Annoy People

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01. Leave the copy machine set to 99 copies, reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper.

02. In the memo field of all your checks write “for sensual massage.”

03. Specify that your drivethrough order is “to go.”

04. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”

05. Reply to everything someone says with, “that’s what YOU think.”

06. Finish all your sentences with the words, “in accordance with prophecy.”

07. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

08. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

09. Ask people what gender they are.

10. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.


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HoW To KeEp A hEaLtHy LeVeL Of iNSaNiTy ….

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…. AnD dRiVe OtHeR PeOpLe iNsAnE:

At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice.)

Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)

Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you’re doing. For example: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”

Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.

Everytime someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

Put your trashcan on your desk and label it “IN.”

Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza, doughnuts, etc., in the break room. When people complain that there was nothing there, lean back, rub your stomach, and say, “You’ve got to be faster than that.”

Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

Reply to everything someone says with, “That’s what you think.”

Finish all your sentences with “in accordance with the prophecy.”

Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

Dont use any punctuation

As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

Ask people what sex they are.

Specify that your drive-through order is ‘to go.’

Sing along at the opera.

Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.

Five days in advance tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.

AnD tHe FiNaL WaY tO aNnOy PeOple:

Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this.


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