Potatoes Jokes

The 3 potatoes.

3 female potatoes are having a chat because they are all getting married in the morning. The first potatoe says she is getting hitched to a King Edward, and the others go ‘oohhh nice. He will be loaded , and he is royal too.’ The second potatoe says, ‘well I am getting married to a Jersey Royal- we will be living in a mansion it will be dead posh’. Then the third potatoes says she is going to gat married…

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You MIGHT be a Yankee if….

…You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY! …The sound of Fran Drescher’s voice doesn’t bother you. …For breakfast, you’d rather have potatoes than grits. …You can name at least 4 hockey teams. …You don’t know what a moon pie is. …You’ve never eaten Okra. …You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show. …You don’t have any problems pronouncing “Worcestershire sauce” correctly. …You’ve never had grain alcohol. …You are familiar with all the rules to Lacrosse. …You have no…

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What To Do With Thanksgiving Leftovers

Part of my friend’s job as a technical writer is to help produce the company newsletter which goes to their clients. He was asked to come up with a list (ala Letterman’s Top Ten List) of funny things one can do with Thanksgiving leftovers. He applied my head-bone to the problem for an hour and we came up with this list. Seal them in concrete and call it a time capsule. Send it to the Smithsonian with instructions to open…

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No lettuce

A lady goes to the store to get some lettuce but they don’t have any. She goes to the manager and jumps all over him about how she is sure he has some in the back of the store. The manager listens patiently then says, “Lady take the c out of carrots and what do you have?” She replies, “arrots.” He says “Now take the p out of potatoes and what do you have?” She says, “otatoes.” “Now,” he says,…

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3 women escape

3 women escaped from prison, a blonde, brunette, and a red head. They sneak into a hayloft for the night. The brunette finds three gunny sacks and the girls put them over themselves. The sheriff comes to the hayloft and tells the deputy to go check it out. He finds the three gunny sacks on the floor and wants to know what is in them. He kicks the first one, the brunette and she quickly says, “bow wow”. So the…

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Fat Free French Fries

I stopped at a fast-food restaurant recently. I was fascinated by a sign which offered Fat-Free French Fries. I decided to give them a try. I was dismayed when the clerk pulled a basket of fries from the fryer, which was dripping with fat. He filled a bag with these fries and put them in my order. “Just a minute!” I said. “Those aren’t fat-free.” “Yes, they are. We only charge for the potatoes . . . the fat is…

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The Stress Diet

This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day. Breakfast: 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 8 oz. skim milk Lunch: 4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast l cup steamed spinach 1 cup herb tea 1 Oreo cookie Mid-Afternoon snack: The rest of Oreos in the package 2 pints Rocky Road ice cream nuts, cherries and whipped cream 1 jar hot fudge sauce Dinner: 2 loaves garlic bread 4 cans or…

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Seminars for Males & Females

SEMINARS FOR MALES (prepared and presented by females) 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut 4. How to Fill an Ice Tray 5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money 6. Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4:00am 7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly titled “Don’t Wash my Silks”) 8. Parenting: No, It Doesn’t End With Conception 9. Get a Life: Learn…

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Read JokeSeminars for Males & Females