porno flick

Jerry was hired to play his trumpet on the score of a movie, and he was excited. He was especially thrilled because he got to take two long solos. After the sessions, which went great, Jerry couldn’t wait to see the finished product. He asked the producer where and when he could catch the film.

A little embarrassed, the producer explained that the music was for a porno flick that would be out in a month, and he told Jerry where he could go to see it.

A month later, Jerry, with his collar up and wearing glasses, went to the theatre where the picture was playing. He walked in and sat way in the back, next to an elderly couple who also seemed to be disguised and hiding. The movie started, and it was the filthiest, most perverse porno flick ever…group sex, S&M, golden showers…and then, halfway through, a dog got in on the action.

Before anyone could blink an eye, the dog has had sex with all the women, in every orifice; and most of the men. Embarrassed, Jerry turned to the old couple and whispered, “I’m only here for the music.”

The woman turned to Jerry and whispered back, “That’s okay, we’re just here to see our dog.”

An elderly couple sat through a porno flick twice.

They did not get up to leave until the theater was ready to close for the evening.

“You folks must have really enjoyed the show,” asked the usher.

“Disgusting!” commented the old lady.

“It was absolutely revolting!” concurred her husband.

“Then why did you sit through it twice?” inquired the usher.

“We had to wait until you turned on the house lights,” the old lady explained. “We couldn’t find my panties and his teeth were in them.”

THE PERFECT WOMAN

1. I wanna swallow it all…I love the taste.

2. Are you sure you’ve had enough to drink?

3. I’m bored. Wanna shave my pussy?

4. Shouldn’t you be down at the bar with your buddies?

5. That was a great fart. Do another.

6. I’ve decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.

7. You’re soooo sexy when you’re hungover.

8. I’d rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.

9. Let’s subscribe to Hustler.

10. Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?

11. Let’s go down to the mall so you can check out women’s asses.

12. I’ll be outside mowing the lawn.

13. Honey, our neighbor’s daughter is sunbathing topless again. Come see.

14. I know it’s a lot tighter back there, but would you please try again?

15. No, you watch the game. I’ll take the car to have the oil changed.

16. Do me a favor. I don’t want anything for Valentine’s Day. Buy yourself new clubs.

17. Don’t worry about our anniversary. You go hunting with the guys.

18. What do you say we get a good porno flick, a case of beer, a few joints, and have my friend Debbie over for a threesome.

19. Oh, no, not the mall again. Let’s go to that new strip joint.

20. Baby, I make enough money for both of us. Why don’t you retire and get that handicap down to 7 or 8.

21. Sweetie, you need your sleep. I’ll do the night feedings.

22. God…if I don’t get to blow you soon, I swear I’m gonna bust.

23. I signed up for yoga so I can get my ankles behind my head for you.

24. Would you like me to get implants?

25. Ahh ya big silly, those male strippers have nothing on you.