Parachutes Jokes

Parachutes and Wings

Little Lulu is travelling in an aeroplane. The aeroplane starts giving problems and it soon becomes clear that all passengers will have to use their parachutes and jump out as the plane is about to crash. Unfortunately there is not sufficient parachutes for all the passengers. Lulu being really brave, decides to hand her parachute to somebody else. The stranger who takes the parachute is quite alarmed to see that Lulu is smiling from ear to ear. “But why are…

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GOING UP?

A businessman was flying over Chicago in his small airplane when suddenly the engine stopped. He reached behind the seat, grabbed his parachute and bailed out of the plane. On the way down to earth he met a woman wearing an apron going up. He shouted to her, “Hey lady, do you know anything about parachutes?” She replied, “No sir, do you know anything about gas stoves?”

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Children’s books you’ll NEVER see…

“You Are Different and That’s Bad” “Dad’s New Wife Timothy” “Pop! Goes The Hamster….And Other Great Microwave Games” “Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Household Pets” “Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence” “The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables” “Start a Real Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom’s Purse” “The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy” “Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will” “The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead” “How to Become The Dominant…

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magicians, jugglers, and roadkill.

Jesse Jackson, a boyscout, and an Italian Guy are in a plane. There are only two parachutes. The Italian guy turns to the other two and says, “Have either of you seen a black guy, a Jewish guy, or a Genie?” Jackson and the boyscout shake their heads. “Son of a bitch”, says the Italian guy, “I’m in the wrong joke.”

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Things Learned From Children

Things Learned from Children For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, think of this as birth control. 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house, 4 inches deep. 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3.…

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Why…

Why do you need a drivers license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive? Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? How does the…

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Yo Momma so Fat

Yo Mama so fat she has her own area code. Yo Mama so fat she had to make a bra out of two parachutes. Yo Mama so fat she can be on three continents at once. Yo Mama so fat she has more chins than a Chinese phone book.

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kids’ books that never quite made circulation

Children’s books that never quite made it into circulation “You Are Different and That’s Bad” “Dad’s New Wife Timothy” “Pop! Goes The Hamster….And Other Great Microwave Games” “Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Household Pets” “The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad” “Babar Meets the Taxidermist” “Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence” “The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables” “Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom’s Purse” “The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy” “Things…

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Tailspin.. .

Cindy Crawford, Ivana Trump, and Whoopi Goldberg are on a plane. The Announcement system clicks to life and the voice of the captain rings through the cabin… “Ladies and gentilemen, I am afaraid the plane has just had a major mechanical failure, and is going to crash. There are only enough parachutes for the crew and myself, and we have already used them – – This is a recording.” Everyone on the plane begins to panic! People are yelling and…

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The Boy Scout on the Plane

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy scout and a pastor were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out. Unfortunately there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said “I’m a doctor, I save…

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Read JokeThe Boy Scout on the Plane