Officer don Jokes

There were two guys, Bob and Joe. Now Bob and Joe LOVED hockey, and they went to hockey games every weekend. And every Saturday after the games they searched the parking lot, not remembering where they parked their car. One day Bob decided he had a brilliant idea, and he was going to surprise Joe. That morning when he went to pick up Joe for the game, he was riding on a donkey. Joe looked at him with complete amazement…

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Since going beyond the speed limit is the national sport in many countries, there is universal disdain for those uniformed creatures who stop you while you are driving. Here are a few things best left unsaid. – Hey, you must’ve been doing’ about 125 to keep up with me! Good job! – Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in. – I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.…

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Two drunks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer. All of a sudden the driver notices lights flashing in his mirror; the cops are on his tail. His buddy says, “What are we going to do?” The driver says, “Don’t worry. Just do exactly what I tell you and everything will work out perfectly. First, peel the labels off our beer bottles and we’ll each stick one on our forehead. Then shove the bottles underneath the seat, and let…

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Things Not To Say To The Nice Police Officer 1. I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer. 2. Sorry, I didn’t realize that my radar detector wasn’t on. 3. Aren’t you the guy from the village people? 4. Hey you must have been going 125mph just to keep up with me. 5. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a cop. 6. Bad cop! No donut! 7. You’re gonna check the trunk,…

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A Navy Admiral, a Marine General and an Army General were having some drinks at the officer’s club in a major military base. After a few rounds of iced tea, the Navy Admiral boasted, “You know, the Navy has the bravest fighting men ever to serve in the Armed Forces. I can prove it to you all.” Before the others could protest, the Admiral proceeded to phone his headquarter and asked for the best Navy Seal in his command to…

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Mr. John Smith was travelling home after the annual Christmas office party. He had more than the legal limit to drink and was pulled off at the road block for an alcohol test.. He was asked to get out his car. The police delayed quite a bit in attending to him (There were plenty of drunken drivers on the road that night), so he decided to go home. The next morning at 6.00am there is a knock on his door,…

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The person in question, a woman in a Porsche, was pulled over for speeding by a California Highway Patrol motorcycle officer. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book, the woman said, “I bet you’re going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolman’s Ball.” He replied, “No, Highway Patrolmen don’t have balls.” There followed a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he’d said. The patrol officer closed his ticket book,…

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One day this man was driving and the police pulled him over. The police said, “Since you were wearing your seltbelt, you win $5000, what are you going to do with the money?” The man said, “I’m going to get me a driver’s license.” The lady next to him said, “Don’t listen to him officer, he always talks crazy when he’s drunk!” The loud talking woke the guy in the backseat up. When he saw the police he said, “I…

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This appeared in a local Sunday magazine recently. For those unfamiliar with the Star Wars saga, James Earl Jones was the voice of that great villain Darth Vader. But those Star Wars fans will surely appreciate this fanciful article : Supposedly James Earl Jones is Vassar College’s Commencement speaker for this year. Oddly, this event coincides with the release of the much awaited “Phantom Menace” and the unexpected popularity of Baz Luhrmann’s “Sunscreen Song” (which, if you haven’t had your…

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