Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
An astronaut landed on the moon and after exiting his spacecraft was leisurely exploring the moon’s surface. As he rounded a large boulder he came upon a beautiful girl standing next to a large black cauldron, the contents of which she was stirring with a long spoon. “Hello!” said the astronaut, “I am from the earth. What are you doing?” “Hello,” replied the moon maiden. “I live here on the moon and I am making a baby.” “How interesting!” responded…
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Nine months to the day following their wedding, the Coopers had a baby. Unfortunately it was born without arms or legs—without even a torso. It was just a head, still, the Coopers loved and cared for their child, spoiling and indulging it. Finally after 20 years, the Coopers took a much needed vacation, and whom should they meet but a European doctor who had recently achieved a medical breakthrough. “I know,” he said, “how to attach arms and legs to…
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It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, “Hey Sweetheart, how’d you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?” Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like Pure Almond Joy! I couldn’t help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to…
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10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. 9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again. 8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some. 7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you candy. 6. If you get a stomach ache, it won’t last nine months. 4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you’re kinky. 3. It doesn’t matter if kids hear…
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go…
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Subject: 40 Actual Newspaper Headlines (collected by actual journalists) 1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says 2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted 4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case 5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents 6. Farmer Bill Dies in House 7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms 8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? 9. Stud Tires Out 10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope…
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Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack’s station wagon and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night. “I’m recently widowed,” she explained, “and I’m afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.” “Not to worry,” Jack said, “we’ll be happy…
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A husband and wife had two beautiful teen-aged daughters. They had been wanting a boy for some time, so they tried one more time for a boy. Well, nine months later, they had a healthy baby boy. The father was so excited he finally got a boy. He rushed to the nursery to see him. When he got there, he was horrified to see a ugly baby boy in there. He went to see his wife and said, “Did you…
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A 75 year-old Englishman, whose hair was completely white, married a 20-year Swedish girl and she got pregnant soon afterwards. Nine months later, the Englishman walked into the maternity ward and asked the nurse on duty, “How did my wife do?” The nurse replied, “She gave birth to twin boys.” He chuckled, “Heh, heh, heh, well, I guess that goes to show even when there’s snow on the roof, there can still be fire in the furnace.” The nurse commented,…
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Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked “intellectual leadership”. He received a $26 million severance package. With a Little Help from Our Friends! Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up… …And What Was…
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