New york state Jokes

Funny Stories

New State Mottos for the 21st Century

Alabama: At Least We’re Not Mississippi Alaska: But It’s a Dry Cold Arizona: But It’s a Dry Heat Arkansas: Litterasy Ain’t Everthing California: Nouvelle Cuisine and Religions You Never Heard Of Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Forget It Connecticut: Like Massachusetts Only Dirtier Delaware: You’ll Love the Chemicals in Our Water Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids Georgia: We Put the Fun in Fundamentalist Extremism Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha’ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)…

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Politics

Clinton’s New Home

Recently, a radio talk show host in Portland, Ore., asked her audience to come up with an official name for the new Clinton $1.7 million house in Chappaqua, New York. Her call-in contest required the names to be in relatively good taste, original, and should capture the essence of one or both of the Clintons. The response was overwhelming! Some names nominated for the Clinton’s new home included: Perjurers’ Palace HillBilly Villa The House of Bill’s Repute Drawers Downs Cheatem…

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Ethnic Cultural

State Mottos

Little known state mottos: Alabama: “Segregation now, Segregation Forever!” Alaska: “Land of 11,623 drunken Eskimos” Arizona: “It’s not the heat….” Arkansas: “Litterasy Ain’t Everything” California: “Land of the ‘Quakers’.” Colorado: “If you don’t ski, don’t come.” Connecticut: “Home of the ‘term life’ policy.” Delaware: “Home of prison floggings and an age 7 ‘consent law’.” Florida: “Ask Us About Our Grandkids.” Georgia: “Going to church? Bring your own snake.” Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha’ami Leeki Toru (“If you’ve got the money,…

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Medical

Public Service Announcement

This is presented as a public service. Perhaps it will prevent YOU from experiencing the same tragedy that happened to my female cousin. On June 25, 1999, at a hospital in New York state, doctors removed a seven pound cancer from my cousin’s uterus. Our family was shocked and saddened by the news, to be sure, but not nearly as much as when we found out that it was completely PREVENTABLE. After the operation, the lead surgeon told our family…

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Funny Stories

Parrot on Titanic

Mrs. VanAstor was seated beside her luggage in the First Class Passenger waiting room beside the pier at South Hampton, preparing to board the HMS Titanic when a British sailor approached her with a parrot. “Excuse me, Mum,” said the limey, “but Butch, that’s me parrot here, we wuz lookin forward to visitin the Colonies but I wuz just told they had enuff staff and I’m not needed, and Butch is terrible disappointed. Would you mind takin him with you?…

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Funny Stories

Driving through the Cities….

How to Identify Where a Driver is From One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York. One hand on wheel, one finger and head out the window — cursing, cutting across all lanes of traffic: Philly One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston. One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, with gun in…

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Politics

Bushisms, pt 1

“I don’t want nations feeling like that they can bully ourselves and our allies. I want to have a ballistic defense system so that we can make the world more peaceful, and at the same time I want to reduce our own nuclear capacities to the level commiserate with keeping the peace.” ?Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 23, 2000 “Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.”?LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000 “If I’m the president, we’re going to…

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Funny Stories

25 Ways to Piss off a Yankee

1. Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING. 2. Pronounce all one syllable words with two. 3. When giving directions, finish with “it’s right down yonder on the left.” 4. Talk REALLY slowly, and ask them to speak slower so you can understand what they’re saying. 5. When they talk about how great it is up north, tell them “Delta’s ready when you are.” 6. Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball. 7. Refer to every…

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Politics

Bushisms, pt 2

“I think we agree, the past is over.”?On his meeting with John McCain, Dallas Morning News, May 10, 2000 “It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it.”–Reuters, May 5, 2000 (Thanks to Allison Fansler.) GOV. BUSH: Because the picture on the newspaper. It just seems so un-American to me, the picture of the guy storming the house with a scared little boy there. I talked to my little brother, Jeb?I haven’t told this to many people.…

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Politics

Bush in Office

December 30, 2004/Washington, D.C.(Associated Press) After four years of legal wrangling, George W. Bush was finally declared the winner of the 2000 Presidential Election yesterday. Bush, a Republican, will take the oath of office at noon today and serves until January 20, 2005, a term of about three weeks. Then he gives way to the undisputed winner of the 2004 Presidential Election, New York Senator Hillary Rodham Greenspan (formerly Clinton). Facing a drastically shortened presidency, Bush attempted to strike an…

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