Music Jokes

Musical Talent

A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one particular drummer. He had talked and talked and talked with this drummer, but his performance simply didn’t improve. Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, “When a musician just can’t handle his instrument and doesn’t improve when given help, they take away the instrument and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer.” A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: “And if he can’t handle even…

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How to Tell if Your Grandpa Listens to Too Much Rap Music

How to Tell if Your Grandpa Listens to Too Much Rap Music: ?1998 Larry Weaver 1. Refers to his Craftmatic Adjustable bed as a hoopty, and wants hydraulics installed. 2. Gets his dentures capped in gold. 3. Insists that Martha Raye is “bout it, bout it.” 4. Gets excited when his pacemaker beeps because he thinks a ho is paging him. 5. Has “Fubu” crocheted into his sweater. 6. Calls his childhood “the hard knock life,” and begin stories with…

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Read JokeHow to Tell if Your Grandpa Listens to Too Much Rap Music

Musical Octopus

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm. He sets the octopus on a stool next to him and announces: “This is an amazing octopus. I’ll bet anyone in this bar that this octopus can play any instrument set in front of it.” Now none of the people could believe this, so one guy brought up a guitar. The octopus took hold of the guitar and started wailing way, better than Jimi Hendrix. The man took…

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Music Jokes

Q: How many tuba players does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Three. One to hold the light bulb and two to drink ’till the room spins. Q: How many altos does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None they can’t get that high. Q: How many sopranos does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One to hold the bulb while the world revolves around her. A: Four. One to screw…

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Radiohead Trades Cryptic Lyrics for Consumer Advice, Begs Fans: ‘Don’t Get Scammed!’

Radiohead, usually known for their profound, often melancholic, musical journeys, have apparently traded their cryptic lyrics for some very direct consumer advice. ? The band is urging fans to avoid those dodgy secondary ticket sites where a whopping 1,000+ potentially fraudulent tickets for their upcoming shows have been discovered. It seems even rock legends aren’t immune to the mundane horrors of ticket scalping! ? Read more: radiohead condemn exploitative touts and resale sites ahead of tour

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Read JokeRadiohead Trades Cryptic Lyrics for Consumer Advice, Begs Fans: ‘Don’t Get Scammed!’

“Wanted”

A tall well-built woman with good reputation, who can cook frog legs,who appreciates a good fuc- schia garden,classic music and tal- king without getting too serious. But please read only lines 1,3,5!

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Carburetor Maintenance

A young woman was bored with driving her BMW. It lacked individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible. That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with its gorgeous red paint work. An empty check stub later, she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful…

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Read JokeCarburetor Maintenance

Top 20 things to do in a grocery store

1. Every time someone calls for a price check, start gobbling like a turkey and run up and down the aisle you’re in until someone asks you what’s wrong. When this happens, walk away passively, cursing under your breath that people are so weird these days. 2. When greeted with a friendly “hello” from your bag-boy, reply, repeating loudly: “No, my name’s not Fred!” while spinning around violently for 30 seconds straight. Try to walk out of the store in…

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Read JokeTop 20 things to do in a grocery store