Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A middle aged woman is on the operating table for bypass surgery when she has a near-death experience. She is floating above the room and sees God. “Excuse me, God,” she says, “Is this the end?” “Oh no, my dear,” says God. “You have another forty years to live.” When she recovers, she decides to remain in the hospital for a complete makeover, knowing she’s going to be around for another forty years. She gets a face-lift, liposuction, tummy tuck,…
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Lorena Bobbitt’s sister was arrested last night for attempting to cause the same damage to her husband, except she missed and hit his leg. She has been charged with a “misdeweiner.”
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A man returns home from work early and enters the house through the kitchen door. He sees his wife on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor. She only has an apron on so the husband gets a big hard on, drops his pants and starts humping his wife doggy style. When he is finished, he pulls out and at the same time hits her hard up the side of her head. “What was that for?” the wife screamed “Here…
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A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain…” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I`m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say…” “And I said to keep quiet! You`re going to jail!” A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the…
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During World War II, Mrs. Anderson decided to celebrate Thanksgiving by having several soldiers in as guests. She called the neighboring army base, was connected with one of the first sergeants, and asked that three soldiers be sent to her house the following Thursday. “And Sergeant,” she added, “I do not wish any of them to be Jewish.” “I understand, ma’am,” said the sergeant. Came Thursday and on Mrs. Anderson’s doorstep stood three fine looking black soldiers in spotless uniforms.…
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I dreamed that Bill Gates and I both died on the same day, and we went to hell. I felt that there must have been some kind of mistake, so I went to talk to Satan and asked if there was any way to get out of hell. Satan said, “Well there is one way…you have to find the ugliest, nastiest looking woman in hell and make mad passionate love to her, and then you might be able to get…
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As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female (e.g., “Steady as she goes” or “She’s listing to starboard, Captain!”). Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusion are the followings: 1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic. 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. 3. The message…
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It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. “Hello?” I said. A girl’s voice came over the line. “Can I speak to Ben, please?” I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored. I replied, “I’m sorry, he’s not in right now. Can I take a message?” “Do you know what time he’ll be back?” she responded. “I…
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Sister Margaret died and through some error found herself in hell. She immediately called Saint Peter and said, “This is Sister Margaret. There’s been a terrible mistake!” She explained the situation, and Saint Peter said he’d get right on it. The next day the nun didn’t hear from Saint Peter and called him back. “Saint Peter, this is Sister Margaret again. Please set this error straight before tomorrow,” she begged. “There’s an orgy planned for tonight, and everyone must attend!”…
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One day Jesus and Moses are out golfing. Jesus is of course winning and starts to think highly of himself. They get to the top of this one hill on the tenth hole, and Jesus pulls out a five iron, when he should have clearly pulled out a nine iron. Moses walks up to him and says, “Are you crazy, you should be using a nine iron, not that five iron”. “Arnold Palmer would use this five iron”, Jesus replied.…
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