Manners Jokes

Manners, Shut Up & Trouble

Once upon a time there were three people. One named Manners, Shut Up and Trouble. One day they were playing hide and seek. Manners got a tummy ache so he went to toilet. Trouble was hiding. While Shut Up was looking for trouble he met a policeman. police: What is your name? Shut Up: Shut Up! police: Are you looking for Trouble? Shut Up: Yes police: Where’s your Manners? Shut Up: in the toilet

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Good Train Manners

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop. And all of you sons of bitches that are getting on, get your asses in the train cause were leaving”. The mother…

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Bedside Manners

My husband was just coming out of anesthesia after having surgery in the hospital, and I was sitting at his bedside. His eyes started to open and he quietly uttered, “You’re beautiful.” He soon drifted back to sleep, and after awhile he woke up and said, “You’re cute.” “What happened to beautiful?” I asked him. “The drugs are wearing off,” he replied.

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Where are your Manners?

There were these 3 guys walking up a roadside right next to a cliff. Their names were Fuck You, Shit, and Manners. Well on the way up, Shit fell off, and Manners went down to help him; while Fuck You went to call the police. Fuck You told the cops everything. The lady asked,”O.k, now please tell me your name.” He said, “Fuck You.” The lady said, “Please tell me your name.” Once again he told her his name, “Fuck…

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Proper Manners

The nervous young bride became very irritated by her husband’s lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely. “I demand proper manners in bed,” she said, “just as I do at the dinner table.” Amused by his wife’s formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and climbed quietly between the sheets. “Is that better?” he asked, with a hint of a smile, “much better.” “Very good darling,” the husband whispered. “Now would you be so kind as to…

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Shut Up Sir!

shut up,manners and trouble walkin dong d street,den trouble gon 2 look 4 he self(look 4 trouble),a few mins. later shut up and manners realise dat trouble gone.so shut up tell manners lewwe go in d police station nah.so dey gone.shut up tell manners to stay outside d door,while shut gorn inside. d police say ”ok we’ll need to know yuh nam,son.” ”shut up,sir” shut up said.”boi doh tell me shut up,i want your name.”ok shut up,sir.” ”where yuh manners…

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Parental Guidance

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the drive before it has stopped snowing. There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. If your parents did not have any children, chances are you won’t either. I asked Mom if I was a gifted child . . . She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me. Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents despite every effort to…

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King Arthur & the Old Witch

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur?s youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed. The question was: What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the…

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Copycatting

President Calvin Coolidge once invited friends from his hometown to dine at the White House. Worried about their table manners, the guests decided to do eveything that Coolidge did. This strategy succeeded for awhile, until coffee was served. The President poured his coffee in the saucer. The guests did the same. Coolidge added sugar and cream. So did his guests. Then Coolidge bent over and put his saucer on the floor for his cat.

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More Redneck Etiquette

When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way. Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving. Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in. Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should…

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