Long face Jokes

You know you’ve been online too long when…

Tech Support calls “YOU” for help. When you are reading something printed, you wish you could use a search function to get to the point. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say “LOL.” When you reply to someone verbally, your fingers start typing your response. You check your e-mail over and over, even when you know there’s nothing there. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on. You have called out someone’s screen name while making…

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Read JokeYou know you’ve been online too long when…

You have been a techie too long if . . .

You have had you tech job for too long if: 1)You know all your co-worker’s IP addresses but forget their names 2)You know co-worker’s ICQ # but havent seen them face to face in over a month 3)You send an email as URGENT rather than walking down the hall to talk to the person. 4)You would rather use your breaks to surf the web instead of getting out of your chair 5)You check your email more than 10 times an…

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Read JokeYou have been a techie too long if . . .

The Marriage Counselor

After just a few years of marriage filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other’s throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counselor’s office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. “What seems to be the problem?” Immediately, the husband held his long face down without…

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Read JokeThe Marriage Counselor

Think about it

1. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. 2. Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors? 3. Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle? 4. Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”? 5.. Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? 6. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do…

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Read JokeThink about it

Think TWICE about these sayings……

It’s a dog eat dog world out there. And they’re short on napkins. Never trust a stockbroker who’s married to a travel agent. On the other hand, you have different fingers. Married people don’t live longer than single people. It just seems longer. Disneyland: A people trap operated by a mouse. Common Sense Isn’t. Sooner or later, EVERYONE stops smoking. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. The best way…

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Read JokeThink TWICE about these sayings……

Right Terminology

Two French brothers were in England, visiting long-lost relatives, their very sophisticated English cousins. Having high tea with Lady Windham, Pierre was making chit-chat: “Tell us about your children, Dear Cousin.” “Oh,” said the Englishwoman, “alas, I have no children.” “I see,” pipe in Jean-Claude, “you are FRUITLESS.” Seeing the expression on Lady Windham’s face, Pierre said, “I think the proper term is UNBEARABLE.” “Non, non,” corrected Jean-Claude. “I’ve got it now: she’s IMPREGNABLE.” The lady winced, and Pierre said,…

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Moon Maiden

An astronaut landed on the moon and after exiting his spacecraft was leisurely exploring the moon’s surface. As he rounded a large boulder he came upon a beautiful girl standing next to a large black cauldron, the contents of which she was stirring with a long spoon. “Hello!” said the astronaut, “I am from the earth. What are you doing?” “Hello,” replied the moon maiden. “I live here on the moon and I am making a baby.” “How interesting!” responded…

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Read JokeMoon Maiden

The World is Populated by Idiots

1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. 2. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head. 3. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial…

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Read JokeThe World is Populated by Idiots

A dog’s life

Things Dogs Must Try To Remember…. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house. I will not eat the cats’ food, before or after they eat it. I will…

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Read JokeA dog’s life

Rules for Dating My Daughter

Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am…

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Read JokeRules for Dating My Daughter