Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as the wife was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: “Before you leave, I want you to hear how all this came about. “Driving home along the highway, I saw this young woman looking tired and bedraggled, so I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast…
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A man and a woman were golfing when the woman said suddenly, “Would you remarry if I died?” “Yes”, said the man. “Would you let her use my golf clubs?”, asked the woman. “No”, said the man,”she’s left-handed”.
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Part of my friend’s job as a technical writer is to help produce the company newsletter which goes to their clients. He was asked to come up with a list (ala Letterman’s Top Ten List) of funny things one can do with Thanksgiving leftovers. He applied my head-bone to the problem for an hour and we came up with this list. Seal them in concrete and call it a time capsule. Send it to the Smithsonian with instructions to open…
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This woman’s husband dies, and she has only $20,000 to her name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left. The friend says, “How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left just a few days before your husband died. How could you be broke now?” The widow says, “Well, the funeral home cost me $5,000. And, of course, I had to make the…
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A blonde walks into the emergency room with a bullet embedded in her left hand. When asked by the doctor how she got shot in the hand, the blonde confesses, “I was feeling so depressed that I decided to kill myself. So I took a gun and placed it inside my mouth. Then I changed my mind because I did not want to ruin any expensive dental work. I decided to shoot myself in the heart. But then I just…
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A man was walking through the park when he noticed a woman crying her heart out. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “Schultz is dead! Schultz is dead! Boo hoo hoo!” the woman sobbed. Since he did not know who Schultz was, the man moved on. Then he came upon another woman crying. “Schultz is dead!” wailed this woman. The man just went on his way. Along the way, he met another woman crying. Then another. And another. And another. All of…
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1. Pick up cat and cradle it in your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from under table and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw…
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A 70 year old couple wanted to try to have a baby. The man went to the doctor, and the doctor gave him a vial and asked him to go home, and come back the next day with a sperm sample. The man came back the next day with an empty jar. The doctor asked why there was no sample. The man said, “I tried with my right hand, I tried with my left hand. My wife tried with her…
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1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving a baby a bottle. Coo confidently, “That’s a nice kitty.” Drop the pill in its mouth. 2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp & pill from under sofa. 3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold cats front paws down with left hand & back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.…
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Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses. No one in Greece has memorized all 158 verses. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. The average secretary’s left hand does 56% of the typing. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. There are more chickens than people in the world. Two-thirds of the world’s eggplant is grown in…
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