Late show Jokes

The World is Populated by Idiots

1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. 2. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head. 3. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial…

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Read JokeThe World is Populated by Idiots

Little Johnny’s First Shower

Little Johnny was getting ready for his bath one night, when he asked his mom if he could take a shower like the grown-ups do. “Alright,” his mom said, “but I’ve got to take it with you, cause you’re too little.” In the shower, Little Johnny pointed to his mother’s chest and said,”What are those, mommy?” “These are my headlights, Johnny.” “Then what is that?” he said pointing down there. “That’s the grass,” said his mother. Johnny thought nothing of…

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Read JokeLittle Johnny’s First Shower

For Show and Tell

While working on a lesson in world religions, a kindergarten teacher asked her students to bring something related to their family’s faith to class. At the appropriate time, she asked the students to come forward and share with the rest of the students. The first child said, “I am Muslim, and this is my prayer rug.” The second child said, “I am Jewish, and this is the Star of David.” The third child said, “I am Catholic, and this is…

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Snow White Peep Show

One day Snow White was going upstairs to take a shower and the seven dwarfs decided that they would go outside and stand one on top of each other’s shoulders to build a ladder and look into the window. They told the guy on top to tell them everything that’s happening and they would pass it down the line to the others. Suddenly, the top dwarf whispers, “She’s taking off her shirt..” The other dwarfs repeat, “Taking off her shirt”,…

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Read JokeSnow White Peep Show

Later, Johnny

Little Johnny went home early from school and started calling his mother and got no answer. He finally went upstairs and saw the bedroom door open a crack. When he peeked in, he saw his dad on the bed with the maid, so he quietly went outside and waited for his mother. When she showed up with some groceries, he said, “Mommy, Mommy, guess what I saw? I saw Daddy upstairs on the bed with the maid and they were…

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Elon Musk, World’s Richest Man, Declares War on Netflix Over Kids’ Cartoon Character

Elon Musk, the entrepreneurial titan usually found launching rockets or revolutionizing electric cars, has apparently found his latest nemesis: a cartoon character in a children’s show. A recently resurfaced clip from Dead End: Paranormal Park led the billionaire to rally his loyal followers, encouraging them to cancel their Netflix subscriptions. ? It seems even space-faring moguls aren’t immune to the dramatic pitfalls of animated storylines! ? Who knew a kids’ show character could spark such an epic, subscription-halting battle? Leer…

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Read JokeElon Musk, World’s Richest Man, Declares War on Netflix Over Kids’ Cartoon Character

Breaking News (from the 17th Century): Michaelina Wautier Officially Declared ‘Old Master’ (Only Took a Few Hundred Years)

Breaking News (from the 17th Century): Michaelina Wautier Officially Declared ‘Old Master’ (Only Took a Few Hundred Years) It seems history needed a little nudge, but the verdict is finally in: Michaelina Wautier, the incredibly talented Flemish artist, has officially ascended to the ranks of ‘old masters’! ? This long-overdue declaration coincides perfectly with a new exhibition ?? opening in Vienna on Tuesday, gathering her magnificent works into one spectacular show for the very first time. Better late than never,…

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Read JokeBreaking News (from the 17th Century): Michaelina Wautier Officially Declared ‘Old Master’ (Only Took a Few Hundred Years)

Hold it!

This 92 year old man has been getting along by himself for years in his own house when he starts to become forgetful and begins to experience a few problems. His daughter suggests that maybe it’s time he goes into a home for the elderly. The old man reluctantly agrees, but recognizes that he might actually enjoy being around other people who probably share some of his interests, etc. So the daughter makes the arrangements, gets her father to the…

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12 Days of Christmas

December 14th Dearest John: I went to the door today and UPS was here with a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised. With dearest love and affection, Agnes December 15th Dearest John: Today, UPS brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves? I’m just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable. All my love, Agnes December 16th Dear John: Oh, aren’t you the extravagant one! Now…

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Read Joke12 Days of Christmas

When you’re REALLY drunk

A man walks into the front door of a tavern, obviously drunk. He staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, belches, and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink and could not be served additional alcohol at this bar, and would he like a cab to be called for him. The drunk is briefly surprised, then quietly grumbles as he gets…

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Read JokeWhen you’re REALLY drunk