Last night i had a dream Jokes

Saddam and Bill’s Dreams

Saddam Hussein called President Clinton and said: “Bill, I called you because I had this dream last night. I could see all of America and it was beautiful, and on top of every building there was a beautiful banner.” Clinton asked, “What was on the banner?” Saddam responded, “It said Alla is God, God is Alla.” Clinton said: “You know Saddam, I’m really glad you called, because last night I had a dream too. I could see all of Baghdad…

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Dream Interpretation

Three men had gotten drunk one night, and they all somehow ended up naked in the same bed. They woke up the next morning confused, but the guy on the end, obviously still half-asleep, began to talk. “I had the best dream last night. I was making love to this gorgeous woman all night long. It was just awesome.” He began to go through the details, explaining what they did and what it was like. “Say,” he started, “What did…

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It was the Night Before Christmas (60’s style)

?Twas the Night Before Christmas 60’s style ?Twas the night before Christmas And all through the house Things were real mellow Even Irving the mouse Our boots were hung up The incense was lit In the hopes that St. Nick Would soon do his bit The tree was decked out It was really a sight With love beads and flowers And a flashing strobe light Wearing my T-shirt From the Woodstock Nation I was getting into Some good meditation And…

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Sadam and Clinton’s Dreams

Sadam called President Clinton and said: “Bill, I called you because I had this incredible dream last night. I could see all of American, and it was beautiful, and on top of every building, there was a flag.” Clinton said, “Sadam, what was on the flag?” Sadam said, “Allah is G-d, G-d is Allah.” Clinton said, “You know, Sadam, I’m really glad you called because last night I had a dream, too. I could see all of Bagdad, and it…

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Women are from Venus?

Remember the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? Well, here is a prime example offered by an English professor at Southern Methodist University, English 44A, SMU, Creative Writing, Prof. Miller. __________________________________ In-class Assignment for Wednesday: Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a…

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The Alarm

SYSTEM: Attention. Alert registered. CENTRAL: Alert? Number One, report! NUMBER ONE: Sir! We’re picking up loud music. CENTRAL: Music? We were just asleep! NUMBER ONE: Yes sir. Ears report it’s “The Last Train to Clarksville.” CENTRAL: Good lord, are we being tortured? NUMBER ONE: Sir, Eyes are functional and request instruction. CENTRAL: Tell them to open up and try to find out what is going on. NUMBER ONE: Scope! Okay, I see darkness… darkness… Wait, there’s a woman sleeping there.…

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Summer Love for Bill & Monica

Sing the song below to the tune of “Summer Lovin’” from the musical “Grease.” Bill: “Summer intern, had me a blast” Monica: “White house intern, happened so fast” Bill: “Met a girl, crazy for me” Monica: “Met the prez, down on my knees” Bill: “Summer days sucking away but, oh oh, those summer nights” Investigation Committee: “Well, ah.. well, ah….well, ah UH! Tell us more, tell us more” Linda Tripp: “Try to remember your best” Investigation Committee: “Tell us more,…

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It’s A Bad Day When…

You receive a $300 bill from your tree surgeon and you live in an apartment. The plumber tells you it would be cheaper to install a diving board than to drain the cellar. You bear a striking resemblance to this week’s prime suspect on America’s Most Wanted. The Dialing for Dollars host quizzes you about the only John Wayne film you haven’t seen. Your heart medication has been replaced with sugar pills and a note that says “April fools!” You…

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Barbie And Ken’s Letters To Santa

Barbie’s Letter To Santa: Dear Santa: Listen, you fat little troll, I’ve been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT’S DEFINITELY PAY BACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I’m gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you…

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