Jewish guy Jokes

Jewish Guy Wins Irish Sweepstakes

Long ago, when the Irish Sweepstakes was the big lottery game in the U.S., a Jewish gentleman won the sweepstakes and was overwhelmed, not so much with the amount of the winnings, but with the taxes he would have to pay. So this gentleman, named Morrie, went to his tax advisor and was told the best thing he could do would be to go to Ireland, live there for a year, establish residence and collect the entire sum, tax-free. Morrie…

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Jewish luck

A Jewish guy called Jacob finds himself in dire straits. His business has gone bust and he is in serious financial difficulty. He’s so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes to the synagogue and begins to pray, “God please help me, I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto.” Lotto nite comes and someone else has won. Jacob…

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magicians, jugglers, and roadkill.

Jesse Jackson, a boyscout, and an Italian Guy are in a plane. There are only two parachutes. The Italian guy turns to the other two and says, “Have either of you seen a black guy, a Jewish guy, or a Genie?” Jackson and the boyscout shake their heads. “Son of a bitch”, says the Italian guy, “I’m in the wrong joke.”

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Read Jokemagicians, jugglers, and roadkill.

What’s the Difference?

This Chinese guy was quietly drinking at this bar, when a Jewish guy walks in and punches him in the face. The Chinese guy says, “What was that for???” The Jewish guy replies, “That was for Pearl Harbor!” The Chinese guy says, “I’m Chinese. The Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor!” The Jewish guy says, “Chinese, Japanese, what’s the difference?!” The Jew sits down at the other end of the bar and gets a drink. Then the Chinese guy goes over to…

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Problem Solved, years ago

We are starting the year 5759 on the Jewish calendar (which can only be purchased wholesale, mind you). 5759. That’s a LOT of years. Just looking at that number makes me think that we need to go all over the world and round up all of the most learned Jewish historians (wow, THIS is bound to make them nervous), and ask them that ONE IMPORTANT QUESTION that is burning at the forefront of nearly everyone’s mind: “So, how did YOU…

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Read JokeProblem Solved, years ago

Three men go to heaven

Three men – one Jewish, one Hispanic and one Italian – die and go to heaven. They meet St. Peter at the gate. St. Peter says there is only room for one soul at this time. He continues to say that the Pearly Gates need repair and the three men must offer bids to God to repair the Gates. Whoever gives the best bid will then be permitted to enter. Each man goes off in a different direction to carefully…

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The Amazing Goldstein!

A traveling salesman visits to a small town in the Midwest and sees a circus banner reading, “Don’t miss the Amazing Goldstein!” Curious, he buys a ticket and sits through the usual circus acts. Animals, clowns, contortionists, and other questionable acts. Finally the trumpets blare and all eyes turn to the center ring. There in the middle of the ring is a table with three walnuts on it. In comes a little old Jewish man, five feet tall and barely…

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Read JokeThe Amazing Goldstein!