Jackass Jokes

four animals

WOMEN ONLY NEED 4 ANIMALS IN THEIR LIFE…… (1)A MINK ON THEIR SHOULDERS (2)A RABBIT ON THEIR BACK (3)A JAG IN THEIR DRIVEWAY (4)AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST…… A JACKASS TO PAY FOR IT ALL

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The New Car

An old lady just bought a brand new $35 million dollar car. As she was driving home she turned on the radio and it wouldn’t work. So she turned back around, went back to the dealership where she bought it and said she wanted a different car because her radio didn’t work. The dealer there said it worked, it was just voice activated. So on the way home she decided to try it out, she said ‘country’ and a George…

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Seminars for Males & Females

SEMINARS FOR MALES (prepared and presented by females) 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut 4. How to Fill an Ice Tray 5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money 6. Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4:00am 7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly titled “Don’t Wash my Silks”) 8. Parenting: No, It Doesn’t End With Conception 9. Get a Life: Learn…

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heckler

“A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse spoke the actor dramatically from the stage. “Would a jackass do?” called out a heckler in the balcony. “Why yes,” said the actor. “Come on down.”

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The camel and the donkey

One day a camel and a donkey were walking in the desert. The donkey said, ” I saw 3 oases back a ways.” So the camel and the donkey turned around. They walked and walked until they came upon the 3rd oasis. The camel drank all the water. The donkey said, “What did you do that for?” The camel said, “Shut up, you Jackass, I know what I am doing.” So they walked and walked until they came apon the…

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2nd bus fare

If you let someone take the seat next to you on the bus and they talk to you. Do you have to talk back? Because yesterday I was on the bus and the other person’s talking to me and I said something like,”You’re a complete jackass,” or something like that and he pulls a gun on me and asks me for my wallet. So I was just wondering if maybe there was a tax or something. And if there isn’t…

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Revenge is sweet

In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone who occasionally has a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone: I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a telephone call that I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, “Hello?” I politely said, “This is Patrick Hanifin and may I please speak to Robin Carter?” Suddenly the phone was slammed down on…

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