ignorance is bliss

If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?

Hard work will pay off later. Laziness pays off now!

If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help.

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

Four out of five people think the fifth is an idiot.

Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

ENDLESS LOVE: Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.

A thing not worth doing isn’t worth doing well.

Digital circuits are made from analog parts.

Sometimes too much to drink isn’t enough.

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.

A company is judged by the president it keeps.

The faulty interface lies between the chair and the keyboard.

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

Taxation WITH representation isn’t so hot, either!

I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.

Windows 98 …… a 64-bit file system patch on a 32- bit extension and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit company, that can’t stand 1-bit of competition.

FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! It comes bundled with the software.

I want to die while asleep like my Grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

I can’t dial NINE-ELEVEN in an emergency, because there’s no ELEVEN on my phone.

Kentucky: Five Million People, Fifteen Last Names.

What is a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

Can you yell “MOVIE!” in a crowded fire station?

If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?

To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question….or is it?

Be nice to your kids. They will be choosing your nursing home.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

First draw the curve, then plot the data.

ILLINOIS… The Land of the Voting Dead

REMEMBER, HALF THE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD ARE BELOW AVERAGE.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Why does a man have a clear conscience?
Because it’s never used.

Why are men so happy?
Because ignorance is bliss.

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man, than for a women?
Because when it’s time to go back to childhood, he’s already there.

How do men exercise at the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a woman in a bikini.

What’s the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds mature.

How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three. One to hold the pan and two to show off and shake the stove.

Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.

A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.

Why don’t men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.

How does a man show he’s planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don’t talk.

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.