Host of the party Jokes

Life of the Party

While attending a party hosted by his boss, the “Life of the Party” had one drink too many and woke up with a nasty hang-over and no memory of last night’s party. So he asked his wife what happened at the party. “As usual, you’ve made an ass of yourself before your boss,” said his wife with a smirk. “Well, piss on him,” said the man defiantly. “That you did and he fired you on the spot!” said the wife.…

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Outrunning a Ghost

There was this party in the woods and, all of a sudden there was a downpour of rain and thunder. These two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, and finally reached their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other. All of a sudden an old man’s face appeared outside the passenger…

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Party Pooper

During a rather rowdy party, one unattached female guest kept disappearing into a back bedroom with one man after another, including the host. This did not go unnoticed by the host’s wife, who was quietly smoldering, but kept her composure, so as not to ruin the party. It was still fairly early when “Miss Willing” approached the hostess, looking somewhat frazzled and rumpled. “I’m sorry to rush off,” she exclaimed, “but I don’t feel too well.” “Of course, I understand,…

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Extramarital Shenanigans

“Say,” said the smooth operator in a confidential tone to the host of the party, “there’s a lot of hot babes at this party. If I find one that’s ready to grab a quick one, would you mind if I used your extra bedroom?” “What about your wife?” “Oh, I won’t be gone that long. She’ll never miss me.” “No, I’m sure she won’t miss you,” smirked the host, “but fifteen minutes ago SHE borrowed the extra bedroom.”

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Cemetery Scare

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery, just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. “Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath. “You scared us half to death! We thought you…

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What not to offer a priest

A naive wife, ever the gracious hostess, was serving drinks at a party over the holidays. A friend of the couple brought his brother who had just been ordained a Priest. She offered the friend a drink from the tray and turned to the Priest and said, “I’m so sorry Father, I’ll go right back to the kitchen and bring you a Coke.” The Priest smiled and said, “No need. I may have alcohol. Priests abstain from sex, not the…

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Bushisms, pt 1

“I don’t want nations feeling like that they can bully ourselves and our allies. I want to have a ballistic defense system so that we can make the world more peaceful, and at the same time I want to reduce our own nuclear capacities to the level commiserate with keeping the peace.” ?Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 23, 2000 “Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.”?LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000 “If I’m the president, we’re going to…

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Blondes’ Revenge

Blondes, having endured years of abuse, have finally responded. Here’s what they have to say about redheads and brunettes! ********* REDHEADS ********* How do you get a redhead to argue with you? Say something How do you get a redhead’s mood to change? Wait 10 seconds If you love a Redhead, set her free … if she follows you everywhere you go, she pitches a tent in your front lawn and puts your new girlfriend in the hospital, she’s yours.…

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It’s A Bad Day When…

You receive a $300 bill from your tree surgeon and you live in an apartment. The plumber tells you it would be cheaper to install a diving board than to drain the cellar. You bear a striking resemblance to this week’s prime suspect on America’s Most Wanted. The Dialing for Dollars host quizzes you about the only John Wayne film you haven’t seen. Your heart medication has been replaced with sugar pills and a note that says “April fools!” You…

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