Hallway Jokes

The Shitty Layers of Hell

A guy died, went to hell, and was greeted by the devil. The devil led him to a hallway and told him to choose 1 of 3 rooms to spend the rest of eternity in. He opened the first door to find a group of people standing on their heads on a wood floor. He thought that looked extremely uncomfortable, so he opened the second door. Here he found a group of people standing on their heads on a concrete…

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Rules for Dating My Daughter

Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am…

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Hearing Test

An elderly lady was concerned about her husband’s hearing. It seemed that every time she would call him, he wouldn’t respond. The lady went to the doctor to ask his advice. The doctor said to her, “When you go home, tell your husband to stand at the end of the hallway, and you should stand at the other end. Ask him what he wants for dinner. Continue to move closer toward him until he responds to your question, so you…

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Dumb Death

“Did you hear what happened?” Jim asked, when he saw me walking down the hallway at work. “Hear what?” I asked, my curiosity peaked. “The Regional Vice President died this morning!” “What?!!” I asked, totally stunned. “What happened?” “He was working through lunch when he had a heart attack,” Jim began explaining. “Everyone was gone except his secretary. You know the one.” “Boy, do I! She’s that young blonde babe.” “Yeah, that’s the one. Turns out she isn’t too smart,…

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So..you want to date my daughter?

Eight Rules to Follow when Dating My Daughter Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure as heck not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them. Rule…

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Sisters of Mercy

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway, when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads: SISTERS OF MERCY -HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES. He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign which says: SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 MILES and realizes that these signs are for real. When he drives past a third sign saying:…

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Baked Beans

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she’ll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they…

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What took you so long?

A man is tired of having to do everything for himself around his house, so one day he goes down to his local pet shop and asks the owner for a pet that can do chores for him. The pet shop owner offers the man a dog, and the man replies, saying “Dogs are dirty animals, what else do you have?” The owner says “What about a cat?” to which the man replies, “Cats are too lazy” The owner then…

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Under the Rug

A carpet layer has just finished installing carpet for a customer. He steps out for a smoke, only to realize that he’d lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, is a lump. “No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,” he says to himself. He proceeds to get out his hammer and flattens the hump. As he was cleaning up, the homeowner comes in. “Here,” she said, handing him his pack…

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