gynecologist

An optometrist operates on a hippie painter’s girlfriend and saves her eyesight. The hippie painter is so grateful that he goes to the doctor’s house one day, while the doctor has office hours, goes inside and paints a huge eye on an entire wall of the living room, leaving the fireplace as the pupil of the eye. He’s just finishing up when the doctor walks in.

He says to the doctor, “Well, do you like it man?”

The doctor says, “Yeah, but I’m certainly glad I’m not a gynecologist!”

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle; I’m still a virgin.”

“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”

“Well, Husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn’t get the system up.

Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was . . . God! I miss him!!!

But now that I’ve married YOU, I’m really excited!”

“Good,” said the lawyer, “but, why?”

“You’re a lawyer. This time I KNOW I’m gonna get screwed!”

After nearly forty years in practice as a gynecologist, John decided he had enough money to retire and take up his real love, auto mechanics. He left his practice, enrolled in auto mechanics school, and studied hard.

The day of the final exam came and John worried if he would be able to complete the test with the same proficiency as his younger classmates. Most of the students completed their exam in two hours. John, on the other hand, took the entire four hours allotted. John tossed and turned in bed that night, dreading the next morning when the exam scores would be returned.

The following day, John was delighted and surprised to see a score of 150% for his exam.

John spoke to his professor after class. “I never dreamed I could do this well on the exam. But tell me, how did I earn a score of 150%?”

The professor replied, “I gave you 50% for perfectly disassembling the car engine. I awarded another 50% for perfectly reassembling the engine. I gave you an additional 50% for having done all of it through the muffler.”

A girl goes to the gynecologist for the first time. She’s up in the stirrups, and the doctor notices she’s trembling.

He says “You’re nervous, aren’t you?”

“Yes, it’s my first visit to a gynecologist.”

“Would you like me to numb you down there?”

“Oh yes, please!”

He bends down, sticks his face between her legs and goes “Num num nummmm……”

One night as a couple lay down for bed, the husband taps his
wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.

The wife turns over and says, “Honey, I’m sorry. I’ve got
a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.”

The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to go to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again…

This time he whispers in her ear, “Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”