Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A man went to his doctor for a check up. At the end of the appointment his doctor said, ” I have some good news and some bad news.” The man said, “What’s the bad news?” The doctor said, “You have 3 days to live.” Frantic, the man asked,” And what’s the good news?” The doctor replied, “You know the receptionist with the humongous tits? I’m f*cking her.”
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A lovely blonde had just had a complete physical after having missed two consecutive menstrual periods. “Well, Mrs. Appleby,” smiled her doctor. “I have good news for you.” “Wait, Doctor,” she interrupted. “It’s not MRS. Appleby…it’s MISS Appleby.” “Oh,” said the doctor. “In that case, Miss Appleby, I have bad news for you.”
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There is a guy who begins to suffer massive headaches. He goes to the doctor and says, “Hey doc, I?ve got these headaches… can you check it out and tell me what?s going on?” Doc says, “Sure, come on back in a couple days after we analyze some tests.” Guy comes back, and the doctor tells him, “We?ve got good news and bad news.” Guy says, “Let?s hear the bad news.” Doc sez, “You?ve got a week to live.” Guy…
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After a complete physical checkup, the doctor asks Dave Reynolds how old he is. “I’m 60, doc” says Dave. “Well, that’s astonishing, Mr. Reynolds,” comments the doctor, “You’ve got the body of a 35-year old. You might live forever. How old was your father when he passed away?” “Pardon me, doc, did I say he’d passed away?” says Dave. “He’s 82 years old and skis all winter and surfs all summer.” “That’s remarkable” says the doctor. “How old was your…
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A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor pulled the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. He will surely die if you don’t do the following: Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.…
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A young woman wasn’t feeling well and asked one of her co-workers to recommend a physician. “I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. He charges five hundred dollars for your initial visit and one hundred dollars for each one after that.” The woman decided to see this doctor and save a little money, too. She walks in and cheerily announced, “I’m back!” Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly examined her and said,…
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Sometimes the truth is more amusing than fiction…. A nurse at the beginning of the shift places her stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. “Big breaths,” instructed the nurse. “Yes, they used to be,” remorsed the patient. ********** One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more that five minutes later, I heard her reporting…
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Mrs. Jones called the doctor’s office and was met with this response by the secretary. “This is Dr. Whitman’s office. What would you like to talk about?” Mrs. Jones was disturbed by this response and replied, sarcastically, “I want to order a hamburger with fries. For goodness sakes, why would I call a doctor if I didn’t feel sick? I’m very sick. I need to see the doctor.” “Fine,” replied the secretary, “I can make an appointment for you. Let…
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Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, a physician got on and took the aisle seat next to the two attorneys. The physician kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the attorney in the window seat said,” I think I’ll get up and get a Coke.” “No problem,” said the physician, “I’ll get it for you.” While he…
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A troupe of traveling actors had taken the long bus ride from Pittsburgh to Detroit where they were scheduled to perform Hamlet that night. Derek Drake, the handsome leading man, must have been sitting in a draft because when they arrived in Detroit just six hours before the Sunday night performance, he had a scratchy throat and laryngitis. Tracy Towers, the troupe’s leading lady, frantically began phoning doctors listed in the yellow pages, but all she got were answering machines.…
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