Greatest Sexual Fantasy
Becoming President of the United States, just think 8 billion people and I’m fucking all of them.
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Becoming President of the United States, just think 8 billion people and I’m fucking all of them.
The baby bear looks into his little bowl and it’s empty. He says, “Who’s been eating my porridge?” The Papa bear looks into his big bowl and it’s empty. He says, “Who’s been eating my porridge?” The Mama bear yells from the kitchen, “Will you assholes please shut up? I haven’t made the fucking porridge yet.”
This guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, “I want to open a fuckin’ checking account!” To which the lady replied, “I beg your pardon, what did you say?” “Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fuckin’ checking account right now.” “Sir, I’m sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!” The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him…
One day Johnny is riding his tricycle in the house. He pulls up to his brother’s room and says, “Anybody getting on the bus, get the fuck on! Anybody getting off the bus, get the fuck off! And anybody staying on, get to the fucking back!!” His brother looked at him and said, “Don’t let Mom hear you saying that or she’ll be awful mad.” So Johnny wheeled down to his sister’s room and hollered, “Anybody getting on the bus,…
Years ago, before “Caller ID” was perfected, I telephoned 911 and exclaimed, “Help! There’s a FIRE at 1234 Maple Street! Please hurry!” As I heard the sirens wailing in the distance, I dialed the city accounting office and asked to speak to the Administrator. Once he was on the line, I asked, “How much does it cost the city, for the fire department to respond to false alarm calls?” “Each false alarm costs the taxpayers around $500,” he replied. “Good!”…
December 14th Dearest John: I went to the door today and UPS was here with a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised. With dearest love and affection, Agnes December 15th Dearest John: Today, UPS brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves? I’m just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable. All my love, Agnes December 16th Dear John: Oh, aren’t you the extravagant one! Now…
Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, “I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom, and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so.”…
There is a guy who begins to suffer massive headaches. He goes to the doctor and says, “Hey doc, I?ve got these headaches… can you check it out and tell me what?s going on?” Doc says, “Sure, come on back in a couple days after we analyze some tests.” Guy comes back, and the doctor tells him, “We?ve got good news and bad news.” Guy says, “Let?s hear the bad news.” Doc sez, “You?ve got a week to live.” Guy…
A bus, making it’s daily trip, stopped to pick up an older lady. The lady was carrying a big duffle back and she had it clutched to herself as if she was trying to protect it. She walked to the back of the bus and sat down. Two younger men saw the dufflebag she was clutching and one of them said, “Excuse me, but what’s in the duffle bag. The lady responded, “IT’S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!” The man…
A drunk stumbles out of a bar and sees a nun walking down the sidewalk. He goes over and punches her in the face. The nun is shocked, but before she can do anything, he punches her again, and she falls down. He kicks her a few times, and then he picks her up and throws her against a wall. He puts his face right up to hers and says, “Not very fucking tough tonight, are you, Batman?”