Former president Jokes

Celebrity Fighter Discovers Presidential Race Involves, Shockingly, ‘Rules’ and ‘Paperwork’

Well, who saw this coming? ? After vowing to curb immigration and ‘shore up Irish culture,’ a famous mixed martial arts fighter has officially pulled out of Ireland’s presidential race. Apparently, the world of politics isn’t quite like the octagon. The fighter complained that the nomination rules were a ‘straitjacket,’ preventing a ‘true democratic contest.’ It seems the rigorous process of, you know, running a country, was a bit too much for someone who prefers headlocks to legislative loopholes. He…

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Obama: Trump’s Wild Paracetamol-Autism Theory Is ‘Violence Against The Truth’

Obama: Trump’s Wild Paracetamol-Autism Theory Is ‘Violence Against The Truth’. Former President Obama has weighed in on his successor’s rather… unique claims. Apparently, the idea that a common painkiller (you know, the one branded Tylenol in the US, good old paracetamol!) somehow causes autism is so out there, it’s not just a fib, it’s ‘violence against the truth’ ?. Obama lamented that such claims not only undermine public health but could also ‘do harm to women’. One might wonder what…

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Malawi Voters Tell Economic Crisis, ‘You’re Fired!’, Opt For 85-Year-Old Political Veteran Instead

Malawi voters, it seems, have had enough of the economic rollercoaster! They’ve decided to tell their current woes, ‘You’re fired!’ and instead, bring back an 85-year-old political veteran for another go. ? Peter Mutharika, a former president and now an octogenarian comeback kid, successfully unseated Lazarus Chakwera. Chakwera’s tenure was, let’s just say, a bit of a mixed bag – if that bag contained a multi-year economic crisis, sky-high inflation, essential goods shortages, a sprinkle of climate disasters, and the…

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Clinton And The Pope

Former President Bill Clinton and Pope John Paul II both die on the same day, and by some error, the Pope gets sent to hell, while Bill Clinton goes to heaven. Eventually, it’s been learned that there’s been a mistake. So Clinton has to get on the down escalator going from heaven to hell, while the Pope goes on the up escalator from hell to heaven. (Of course it’s an escalator.) Clinton sees the Pope and says, “Your Excellency, how…

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Moldova Votes ‘Oui’ to EU, Finds Door Still Only Slightly Ajar (and Russia is Still Tapping on the Window)

Moldova Votes ‘Oui’ to EU, Finds Door Still Only Slightly Ajar (and Russia is Still Tapping on the Window) Good news, Moldova! Your citizens have decisively voted for the pro-European party of President Maia Sandu, confirming your unwavering desire to ditch the past and embrace the glorious future of bureaucracy and shared agricultural policies. ? The Action and Solidarity party snagged a whopping 50.03% of the vote, sending a clear message: ‘We want in!’ However, much like trying to get…

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Bush in Office

December 30, 2004/Washington, D.C.(Associated Press) After four years of legal wrangling, George W. Bush was finally declared the winner of the 2000 Presidential Election yesterday. Bush, a Republican, will take the oath of office at noon today and serves until January 20, 2005, a term of about three weeks. Then he gives way to the undisputed winner of the 2004 Presidential Election, New York Senator Hillary Rodham Greenspan (formerly Clinton). Facing a drastically shortened presidency, Bush attempted to strike an…

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DILBERT Quotes Contest Entries

A magazine recently ran a “Dilbert quotes” contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life managers. Here are the Top 12 finalists: 1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA.) 2. What I need is a list of…

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The State of the Union

THE STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS THAT PRESIDENT CLINTON SHOULD HAVE GIVEN: “Members of Congress…people of America…I banged her. I banged her like a cheap gong. Which is not news, folks, because if you think Monica Lewinsky was the only skin flute player in my orchestra, you haven’t been paying attention. The only babes in D.C. I haven’t tried to do are the First Lady, Reno, Albright, and Shalala, mostly because they’re a little older than I like and they…

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