Flat tire Jokes

Nuns get a flat tire

A group of nuns were traveling in a car when it got a flat tire. They got out and tried to change it, but being rather unworldly did not know how to do it. Luckily, a truck came along and the male driver offered to change it for them. They gladly accepted. As the trucker jacked up the car, it slipped from the jack. “Son-of-a-bitch,” he yelled. The eldest nun said to him, “That is not nice language. We understand…

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tired of winter

One day a man was sick and tired of winter so he tied his snow shoes on the top of his car and drove south. When he got to Kansas City he pulled over and asked if any one knew what was on top of his car. Someone said, “Aren’t they snow shoes?” “Yes,” he replied and got back in his car then drove further south. Finally he got to S.Carolina and pulled into a gas station. Pointing to the…

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Reasons To Love Men

Reasons to Love Men 1. They’ve got that comfortable place on their shoulder that’s perfect for snuggling into while we fall asleep. 2. They’re at peace with their bodies, except for maybe some minor anxiety over height, weight, and baldness. 3. They’re enthusiastic about our bodies, even when we’re not. 4. They’re beyond enthusiastic about sex. 5. They fall in love so hard, once they finally fall. 6. Chest hair, forearm hair and the feel of a newly shaved cheek.…

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Stupid People Should Advertise

Stupid people should have to wear signs that say, “I’M STUPID!” That would save the rest of us “normal” folks a lot of headaches. We wouldn’t rely on them or expect much from them. It would be like, “Oh, excuse me. Never mind. I just noticed your sign.” It’s like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes, and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says, “Hey, you moving?”…

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What Make Car

The woman in the bar noticed the man’s zipper was unzipped. She told him his garage door was open. So smarty pants said, zipping up, “Did you notice that long red Cadillac in my garage?” And she replied, “No, but I noticed the little Volkswagen with two flat tires.”

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Redneck Computer Programmer Dickshunary

“BIT” = A wager as in, “I bit you cain’t spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways.” “BYTE” = First word in a kiss-off phrase. “CURSOR” = What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend. “FLOPPY” = When ya’ll can’t get it up no more. “DIGITAL CONTROL” = What yore fingers do on the TV remote. “HARD DRIVE” = Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires while pulling a trailer…

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NUTS

Phil was driving home from the insurance office where he worked when his right rear tire blew. He bumped along to a stop in front of the State Mental Hospital where he noticed that he was being observed by a patient sitting on the grass. Realizing this was not a dangerous inmate, Phil ignored him and pried off the hubcap. He got the car jacked up and spun the five lug nuts off the wheel, dropping them carefully in the…

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THE TEST

At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They did so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an “A” so far for the semester. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and party with some friends there. They had a great time-however, after all the hardy-partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to Duke…

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broken bottles

A young kid asks his dad if he can borrow the car for the night so his dad lets him have the car and tells him to be careful. About 4 hours later the kid comes home and has 3 flat tires and he is a bit upset. His dad asks what’s wrong so the kid shows his dad the tires. His dad examined the tires and pulled a piece of glass from a beer bottle out of one of…

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asscons

We all know those cute little computer symbols called “emoticons,” where 🙂 means a smile and 🙁 is a frown. Sometimes these are represented by 🙂 and 🙁 respectively. Well, how about some “asscons”? (_!_) a regular ass (__!__) a fat ass (!) a tight ass (_._) a flat ass (_^^_) a bubble ass (_*_) a sore ass (_!__) a lop-sided ass {_!_} a swishy ass (_o_) an ass that’s been around (_O_) an ass that’s been around even more…

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