Fate Jokes

Mick Herron, Authorial Grim Reaper, Confirms He Knows Exactly How to Off Gary Oldman’s Jackson Lamb

Slow Horses author Mick Herron says he knows how Jackson Lamb dies! ????? The man behind the beloved (and notoriously cantankerous) intelligence officer, famously portrayed by Gary Oldman, has revealed he holds the ultimate fate of his creation in his hands. Herron apparently knows ‘how, why, when, and where’ Lamb will kick the bucket – a revelation he’s only just cooked up! Fans are now left to ponder if it’ll be a dramatic explosion, a quiet retirement, or perhaps just…

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Read JokeMick Herron, Authorial Grim Reaper, Confirms He Knows Exactly How to Off Gary Oldman’s Jackson Lamb

Jail Time? Pffft, This Political Movement Sees It as a Mere Pit Stop on the Road to 2026

Jail Time? Pffft, This Political Movement Sees It as a Mere Pit Stop on the Road to 2026. ? It seems that even the threat of incarceration is no match for the sheer determination (or perhaps stubbornness?) of this political dynasty. Remember when a certain politician boldly predicted his possible fates as ‘going to jail, being killed or victory’? ? Well, it appears the ‘going to jail’ option is just a minor plot twist in this epic political saga! With…

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Read JokeJail Time? Pffft, This Political Movement Sees It as a Mere Pit Stop on the Road to 2026

new truck

There was this truckie talking to his boss about the new truck that had arrived and the boss was telling the truckie to take it to depot 1 which was over the other side of the city, telling the truckie, “Look mate, this is a brand new truck. I want you to take it over to depot one and if you get into any trouble in the least, call me and I’ll sort it out.” So off the truckie goes…

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Long-Time Rivals

Style and fashion intrude into all walks of our lives. Two fellows, who had been rivals all their lives, followed different career paths. One eventually became an Admiral in the Navy, and the other went into the Catholic Church and became a Bishop. As fate would have it, they happened to meet at the airport. The Bishop spied the Admiral first and said loudly, “OH, SKYCAP, FROM WHAT PIER IS THE FLIGHT TO DALLAS LEAVING?” The Admiral approached, bowed, and…

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Bang You’re Gone

Three gang bangers are shot in an aborted holdup. While awaiting their fate to determine whether they are to go to Heaven or to Hell, they sneak out of the holding zone and arrive at the Pearly Gates where upon they are greeted by St. Peter. “Check it out, bro,” says the lead gang banger to St. Peter. “Dis is where we belong.” “I’m sorry,” replies St. Peter, “but I don’t see any of your names on the admittance list.”…

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Valley of the Twids

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful valley, where the grass grew green and the people were happy. A river flowed through the center of this valley, providing life and water to all who needed it. Also in this valley lived the Twids. The Twids were friendly people, but they were very small. In fact, Twids were about the height of an average person’s knees. Anyway, these twids lived happily and in harmony with the world around them. On…

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The Titanic!! (sort of)

On a cruise ship touring the Mediterranean, there was a magician who would perform a cabaret act every night in the ship’s bar. Now, also in that bar, there was a parrot, who from his vantage point near the ceiling could see exactly how each trick was done. Every night was the same. Everytime he performed a trick the parrot would yell to the audience how the trick was done: “It’s up his sleeve!” or “Look under the table!” The…

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Read JokeThe Titanic!! (sort of)

Hell’s not so bad

A young man died somewhat before his time in a motor accident, and found himself in Hell. He sat in a hot ante-room surrounded by swirling sulphurous gases as he gloomily awaited his fate. He’d heard all the jokes. “OK lads, tea break’s over, back on your heads.” Being forced to listen to a continuous Barry Manilow tape. The electrodes on the goolies. It made him shiver. Finally Satan arrived, detected the young chap’s demeanour and said, “Hey, why so…

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Constipated Elephant

This doesn’t quite qualify as a Darwin Award, but it comes pretty close… PADERBORN, GERMANY – Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly — and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive-oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like…

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It must be true, I read it on the internet

I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M’s (sent to me because I forwarded an e-mail to five other people, celebrating the fact that the year 2000 is “MM” in Roman numerals), when I ran into a friend whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken (which is predictable, since as everyone knows, there’s no actual chicken in…

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Read JokeIt must be true, I read it on the internet