Eye to eye Jokes

Brown Eyes

A man was talking to his friend at the bar. The friend said, “Did you know that 9 out of 10 women with brown eyes cheat on their husbands?” “No, I didn’t know that,” the man replied. “So what color are YOUR wife’s eyes?” asked the friend. The man replied, “I’m too drunk to remember. Geez, I’d better go home and find out!” So the man hurries home to find his wife in bed and asleep. The man carefully lifts…

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Black Eye

One night a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she had heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The next she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold. An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned 1 1/2 hours later with a black eye. “Did you get hit by the same person?” his captain asked. “No,” he replied. “I stepped on the…

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Read JokeBlack Eye

The Grumpmeyer Diamond

The statuesque blonde walked into a dinner party on the arm of a scowling tycoon. She took her seat at the dinner table while her escort conversed with other guests. A woman sitting nearby couldn’t help staring at the huge gem hanging from her neck. “Excuse me,” the woman said, “but I must tell you… that is the most gorgeous diamond I’ve ever seen.” “Why, thank you. It’s the Grumpmeyer Diamond.” “I’m surprised I’ve never heard of it”, the woman…

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Bill’s Oscar Meyer Song

His baloney has a first name, It’s “I-did-not-inhale.” His baloney has a second name, “I-wasn’t-getting-tail.” Oh, he loves to sling it every day… The White House people all just saaaaaay… That Bill Clinton has-a-way Of making bullshit sound o-kaaay.

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Four Eyes

One summer, the company Dave worked for transferred him to another city, and Dave was told that he had to take a new physical with the company doctor. All the tests came out fine, but the doctor remarked that Dave had the smallest dick he’d ever seen. “Do you have any difficulties with its being so small?” the doc asked. “Shit, no,” Dave said. “I’ve got a wife, three kids, and a great sex life. But I do sometimes have…

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Eye Exam

As part of a complete physical, I was now performing the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the eye chart and began. “Cover your right eye with your hand, and tell me what you see.” He read the 20/20 line perfectly. “Now, your left.” Again, a flawless reading. “Now both,” I requested. There was silence. He couldn’t even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what…

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The Black Eye

A guy boards his plane for Pittsburg and sits down in his seat. He immediately notices that the guy next to him has a black eye. He says to him, “Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes. Do you mind if I ask you how you got yours?” The other guy replies, “Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the hugest breasts…

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Read JokeThe Black Eye